Comic Coverage

Who's Who in the Real-Life Superhero Universe?

They're not quite the superheroes of comic books...yet at the same time, they're something more than the costumed fans you see at comic book conventions.

Who are they?  They're the so-called "real-life superheroes" we occasionally see on those "News of the Weird" websites or TV news fluff pieces. They're people from all walks of life who "hear the calling" to put on a homemade costume and fight the real crime and injustice of the cities under their "protection".

From time to time, I thought I'd shine the spotlight on some of these low-wattage champions of justice. Here's the first batch (click on their photos for a larger view, and their names for more info):

Name:  Citizen Prime

Base of Operations: Phoenix, Arizona

Mission: "Finding the hero inside every man, woman and child and priming their true greatness."

Equipment: • A $4000 costume, which includes a steel-plated upper body shield designed by a professional armor maker. • Nissan X-Terra equipped with an electric stun gun • bean bag stun gun • cell phone

Quote: "I am a warrior for peace. Some call me a Real Life Super Hero. If that is true then I am the next evolution of such things."

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Name:  Captain Jackson

Base of Operations: Jackson, Michigan

Mission: "To work with the Police and Community Groups to create Educational programs keyed toward the promotion of Jackson."

Equipment: Pepper spray.

Quote: "I like fighting crime here."

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Name: Luke Pie-Rocker

Base of Operations: Minneapolis, Minnesota

Mission: "At Galactic Pizza...we see a world full of cooperation, sustainability, and harmony with our surroundings."

Equipment: Wears employer-issued spandex costume (all delivery drivers for Galactic Pizza must wear superhero costumes) • Drives a "Gizmo", a tiny, one-person electric vehicle.

Quote: "The Spandex really helps. It streamlines me."

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Name: Angle Grinder Man

Base of Operations: Kent and London, England

Mission: Fighting the city’s effort to immobilize cars for parking violations, zealous traffic police officers, and "mean-spirited law enforcement".

Equipment: A large, gold-painted Angle Grinder.

Quote: "I may not be able to single-handedly and totally cast off the repressive shackles of a corrupt government - but I can cut off your wheel-clamps for you."

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Name: Terrifica

Base of Operations: New York, New York

Mission: Looking out for women who've had too much to drink and are in danger of being taken advantage of by men.

Equipment: A utility belt containing pepper spray, a cell phone, lipstick, a camera to photograph alleged predators, a journal, Terrifica fortune cards, and Smarties for energy.

Quote: "I protect the single girl living in the big city."

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Trust me, there are many more where these came from...so stay tuned for part two of Who's Who in the Real-World Superhero Universe!

The Real-Life Superhero Universe (Part 2)

They're trailblazers!  They're mavericks!  They're real life champions of justice from all over the world.  Ladies and Gentlemen...Wave Two of "The Reals" (click on their photos for a larger view, and their names for more info):

Name:  Superbarrio

Base of Operations: Mexico City, Mexico

Mission: Champion of the working class, the poor and the homeless.

Special Abilities: Leads protest rallies, files petitions and challenges court decisions

Quote: "I can't stop a plane or a train single-handed, but I can keep a family from being evicted."

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Name:  Foxfire

Base of Operations: Royal Oak, Michigan

Mission: "A troublemaking revolutionary dedicated to shifting the dominant paradigm."

Equipment: Various shamanic/magical implements.

Quote: "The current air of apocalyptic apathy is indicative of how much humanity has lost. Together with the rest of the Nameless Few, I will help to re-integrate humanity--as well as protect the downtrodden, the forgotten, and the helpless."

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Name: Entomo the Insect Man 

Base of Operations: Naples, Italy

Mission: "To make the world a fairer place, no matter how bad this can sound."

Abilities: Claims to "own" paranormal ability to tap into the "morphic field of anthropods".

Quote: "Hear my buzz, fear my bite. I inject justice."

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Name: Boondoggle Girl

Base of Operations: Potsdam, New York

Mission: "I use boondoggle to fight what I hate...VILLAINY!"

Equipment: Boondoggle Boots and Boondoggle Lasso 

Quote: "I sure love boondoggle."

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Name: The Wallcreeper

Base of Operations: "A Colorado forest"

Mission: "To save my hometown from criminal corruption and destruction."

Abilities: Can scale difficult-to-climb buildings for observation and stealth purposes in a short amount of time. Capable of various martial arts (Hap Kido, Praying Mantis, Bagua, etc.). He claims to be a "pioneer in a semi-hypnotic skill, known as dream infiltration".

Equipment:  Personalized battle suit mixed with crowd control blunt truama armor, and kevlar. Two swords (named "Twitch" and "Wind") used strictly for self defense, and a long retractable baton. 

Quote: "I belong nowhere, but exist everywhere."

The Real-Life Superhero Universe (Part 3)

Are you ready?  Are you ready for Wave Three of the real life superheroes that protect us all? (click on the photos for larger views, and the names for more info):

Name:  Dark Guardian

Base of Operations: New York, New York

Mission: "Fighting crime, helping others, and making a difference in his community. He is a man who has grown tired of the world around him where evil tends to prevail and he sees the growing tides of time worsening."

Special Abilities:  He has trained himself to be more than human. He has made himself into a weapon. A weapon of change - A weapon of hope.

Quote: "I've always had something inside of me that made me want to really make a difference and just make the world a better place."

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Name:  Geist

Base of Operations: Rochester, Minnesota

Mission: "My personal cause is the Forgotton, those overlooked by mainstream society. If there is a crisis situation, I have training and equipment to aid myself and others. My equipment and methods are completely legal. I'm prepared to make Citizen's Arrests if necessary."

Equipment: Smoke grenades, pepper spray, a slingshot, a pair of six-inch fighting sticks tucked into sturdy leather boots, and an Argentinean cattle-snare called "bolos" (his "trademark weapon").

Quote: "When you put on this costume and you do something for someone, it's like, 'Wow, I am being a hero,' and that is a great feeling."

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Name: Polarman 

Base of Operations: Iqaluit, Canada

Mission: Shovels elders' steps and walkways, entertains children and prowls the night streets keeping an eye out for vandals and straightening out swings at playgrounds.

Equipment: A costume consisting of black boots, white sweat pants with black shorts and a white karate belt (for visibility), three layers on top plus black leather gloves and, of course, a mask.  Oh, and a shovel, too.

Quote: "I wrote down all cold-based names I could think of: Mr Freeze, Icelad, Snowlad, Shoveler, Polar Bully, Captain Cold, Captain Icicle, Frosty the Boy Wonder. Then I decided that since I came down from the polar region, I would use the name my cousin teased me with."

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Name: Master Legend

Base of Operations: Winter Park, Florida

Mission: He is here to help you and will put his life on the line to do so.

Abilities: Certain psychic abilities and gifted with powers by a voodoo queen.  

Quote: "Remember that I am a real friend in the world."

The Real-Life Superhero Universe (Part 4)

They're Real-Life Superheroes, and their numbers are legion!  Here's four more of them (click on the photos for larger views, and the names for more info):

Name: Tothian

Base of Operations: New Jersey and New York City

Mission: "To protect people, destroy evil, and save the world."

Special Abilities:  Martial arts skill, and destroying evil.

Quote: "Hello. My name is Tothian, and I destroy evil."

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Name: The Swift

Base of Operations: London, England

Mission: "I'm a crime fighter stationed in England and I endeavour to help the people of my town and stand for Justice."

Special Abilities: Bird-like agility and acrobatic skills.

Quote: "I'm stealthy and work in the shadows but quick to emerge when assistance is needed."

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Name: Ragensi

Base of Operations: Huntington Beach, California

Mission: Fighting for the freedom and decent treatment of all man/woman/animal kind. Plus promotion of self-sustaining organic gardening.

Special Abilities: Lock picking, martial arts, occult studies, and "banishing evil back to whence it came from".

Quote: "I'm a knowledge whore. Always studying something, always wanting something, always interested in more information, more power, more spirit."

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Name: Zetaman

Base of Operations: Portland, Oregon

Mission: To seek out the needy with gifts of food and clothing.

Equipment: Extendable steel baton, pepper spray, a Taser that delivers 30,000 volts, and items of assistance for the homeless (such as gloves and sandwiches).  

Quote: "I don't want to die."

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P.S.: Believe it or not, while I was putting this post together, I was emailed by Tothian (apparently a fan of my Real-Life Superhero feature), who supplied his own profile information.  He also informed me that Dark Guardian (from the previous Real-Life post) isn't the real deal.  To quote Tothian:

"Dark Guardian is a fake. He doesn't tell people he's a villain, because all he cares about is his image. Not actually doing anything really heroic."

'Nuff said!

The Real-Life Superhero Universe (Part 5)

The press for next year's Watchmen movie positions the story as "what superheroes would be like in the real world".  Well, with all due respect to that comic book classic, we've already got Real-Life Superheroes running around our world. Although some are entertainers or promote social causes, others patrol the streets with a keen sense of justice (and severely limited peripheral vision).

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Name: Basketballman

Base of Operations: Honolulu, Hawaii

MIssion: Exterminating evil villains and saving the universe.

Equipment: Professional sound equipment and evil-proof basketballs.

Quote: "It takes alot of balls to do what I do."

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Name: Captain Badass

Base of Operations: Austin, Texas

Mission: "Well, basically, I serve justice to evil doers, not like terrorists or anything, but other lowlifes.  However, I guess I could handle terrorism if need be."

Special Abilities: Mad dancing skilz.

Quote: "Drop the zero and get with the real hero."

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Name: Death's Head Moth

Base of Operations: Norfolk, Virginia

Equipment: Flex cuffs, anti-stab vest, riot gloves, jump boots, collapsible grapple, yawara knife, riot shield, and shock stick. 

Quote: "Looking for other heroes in Virginia. put out classified ad on myspace. teaming up may prove unwieldy, will see what happens..." (from a Death's Head Moth blog entry)

The Real-Life Superhero Universe: Bananaman!

It's a special edition of Real-Life Superheroes, as we take a look at British sensation (and recent World Record setter) Bananaman!  From the BBC (interspersed with my own commentary):

A man who took part in the London marathon dressed as Bananaman has set a new record for the fastest runner dressed as a cartoon character.

ME: Bananaman is a long-running superhero parody published in Great Britain. Poking fun at characters like Superman and Marvelman (a Captain Marvel knock-off) Bananaman gains (and augments) his powers by...you guessed it...eating bananas.

Darren Stone, 22, from Taunton, Somerset, took three hours, 36 minutes and seven seconds to complete the race.

ME: "Taunton"?  As in "smelly Hothian beast of burden"?  Oh, wait...that's "tauntaun". Carry on.

"You go through moments when you slow up and other runners tap you on the back and say 'come on Bananaman you can do it' - it's unreal," he said.

Mr Stone's achievement has been confirmed by Guinness World Records.

ME: Is it safe to say that the Guinness Book has now officially run out of ideas for world record categories?

"I checked on the internet because I wasn't sure how the other cartoon characters had done," he said.

"I scouted out before that Danger Mouse would be my main competitor but I have heard that I've got the record," he added.

ME: Danger Mouse--yet another British cartoon character.

Darren Stone completed the marathon in three hours, 36 minutes and seven seconds.

ME: So there you go: the time for all of you challengers to beat!

Mr. Stone, who runs a cafe in Taunton town centre, said he chose to run as a cartoon character because his business is next door to a fancy dress hire shop.

ME: My guess is that a "fancy dress hire shop" translates to a "costume shop" here in the States.

"They wanted me to run as Buzz Lightyear but the costume was too heavy," said Mr Stone.

"It was so hot that once I started sweating the suit just doubled in weight anyway," he said.

ME: Bananas and intense body odor.  Not a good combo.

"I'm in a world of pain now but finishing was the best feeling I've ever had.

ME: Yeah....kinda like that time I stopped pounding my head with a hammer.  Best feeling I've ever had. 

Mr Stone, a semi-professional footballer, has raised £1,400 for the St. Margaret's Hospice in Taunton but hopes to reach his goal of £2,000.

ME: In all seriousness, THAT'S some truly heroic work!  Great work, Mr. Stone!

Real-Life Superheroes: One Night in Bangkok

When an LP gas truck was hijacked by some trouble-makers in Bangkok, Thailand, some of the locals took to the streets to confront the hijackers...making for a very tense situation. Suddenly, out of the blue, someone dressed as Batman randomly appeared and, according to news reports...

"...brought much-needed laughs and amusement to the stressed-out residents and protesters alike. The tension in the scene was lowered significantly.The Batman then climbed on the back of the gas truck and yelled, “Batman is here!”, distracting the protesters in the area and brighten up the atmosphere."

As it turned out, while "Batman" distracted the crowd, a government official snuck onto the gas truck and drove it away to safety.  Batman, realizing his work was done, rode off on the back of a water truck that had been parked nearby in case a fire broke out.  Considerably less dramatic than Batman's comic book exploits, but strangely compelling in that wacky, Third World kind of way.

Here's a local news report.  No clue as to what any commentators were talking about, other than the word "Batman" every couple of seconds.

  

Considerably less dramatic than Batman's comic book exploits, but strangely compelling in a wacky, Third World kind of way.