Comic Coverage

Dream Casting: Brainiac

Sure, the Silver Age model of Brainiac is long gone (pink shirt and all)....and the fantastic Yul Brynner has long since departed our mortal plane.

However, if it was up to me to cast the perfect Brainiac? No brainer.

Fighting for Truth, Justice and the Anorexia Way!

I came across this item on Blog@Newsarama, spotlighting a new line of action figure/dolls from Tonner Doll Company.

As you can see from the photo, Wonder Woman and Supergirl will apparently be battling the evil forces of good nutrition and realistic female body standards!

Someone get these girls a sandwich!

Captain America: Cross-Dressing for Freedom!

It's with a heavy heart that I bring you an humiliating episode from Captain America's otherwise inspiring past.  In this installment of Silver Age: The Lost Episodes, I'm actually jumping back to the earlier Golden Age of comics, back to Captain America Comics #2 (1941).  Having just made his debut the previous month, Captain America and his young sidekick Bucky Barnes had already joined the ranks of high-profile Axis smashers. Whether at home or abroad, Cap and Bucky took the fight to the Nazis by any means possible....with an emphasis on the "any means possible".

In the issue's second story, titled "Trapped in the Nazi Stronghold" American war financier Henry Baldwin is kidnapped and taken to Europe by Nazi sympathizers...and Cap's on the case!

What does Cap have in mind for Mr. Baldwin's rescue?

To secretly intercept the band of fifth columnists traveling with Baldwin?  To boldly storm the headquarters of their Nazi masters, scattering goosesteppers with his shield, wiley gymnastics and a good right hook?

Er...no.

Actually, in only his second issue, mind you, Cap resorts to dressing in drag to catch Nazi scum, while Bucky impersonates a sissy boy!  The sacrifice! The humiliation!  The high heels!

Happy Halloween

Happy Thanksgiving!

The Flash, Wonder Woman and Green Lantern continue the grand tradition of whimsical Golden Age covers by joining forces against a hapless turkey. Judging from the turkey's determined look, he's not going down without a fight.

Comics Calvacade #18 (1947)

 

Despite the turkey's fighting spirit, the trio accomplished their grim task, as you can see from the Justice Society of America meeting later that day.

A slightly "enhanced" All Star Comics #3 (1940)

Have a Happy Thanksgiving...and "thanks" for stopping by!

Mission Impossible: Christmas Shopping for Geeks

While jotting a few things down for a Christmas wish list, it occured to me that we comic book/sci-fi/fantasy geek types are a difficult lot to shop for.  Who among us hasn't gotten the bewildered look, the Mr. Spock eyebrow-raise, or the exasperated "Where the heck am I going to find THAT?" question from confused friends and family?

Yes, we are particular.  Yes, we like maddeningly obscure stuff.  In short, Christmas shopping for us is a major world-class drag.  I admit it. It's in this spirit of clarity and contrition that I offer this cartoon:

UPDATE: Want this cartoon on a shirt or some other cool stuff? Click here to visit my Geek Christmas Cafepress store. There's not too many days left for you to get your gifts by Christmas time, so check it out today!

Coincidence? YOU DECIDE!

Update! While we're on the subject of coincidence, little did I know that today, December 12th, is the actual birthday of our pal Edward Munch! I just found out! It's enough to give a guy goosebumps!

World's Coolest Government Logo

Courtesy of the Riding Sun blog, I present the official logo of Russia's Glavnoye Razvedyvatelnoye Upravlenie (GRU), or Main Intelligence Directorate. Despite the treachery of oily Vladimir Putin in recent years, the Russian President has good taste in logos. I'm sure the legal department of DC Comics/Warner Bros. disagrees...but what do they do? Sue Russia?

On second thought, if these creepy radiation-poisoning spooks wanted to steal a DC Comics logo, why did it have to be Batman's? Why not something more appropriate....like this one?

Happy New Year!

So I'm watching my annual twelve minutes of the Tournament of Roses Parade, and was lucky enough to catch this year's newest float, sponsored by the gang at Pasadena's Cosmic Crypt comic shop.   

Happy New Year!

30 Second Recap: The Death of Gwen Stacy!

Chris Sims, proprietor of the hilarious Invincible Super-Blog, has thrown down the 30 Second Recap challenge, in which a noted comic book story is summarized using only a few panels and super-fast drawing.  Since I'm a professional cartoonist, I tried to go as fast as I could without putzing over the details...while still trying to make it look like a sucky drawing.  My entry for the 30 Second Recap goes back a ways to the classic early-70's shocker The Death of Gwen Stacy, one of the most dramatic comic book stories I've ever read (or ever expect to read).   Click on the thumbnail image of the recap for a full-size view.

I'll have to admit, there's something charming about knocking a story down to its barest essentials....even a dark storyline like this one.  Enjoy! 

P.S.:  Hey Chris...do I get extra credit for that kick to the face in panel seven?

Silver Age Outtakes: The Destruction of Krypton!

Something else from the cutting room floor:

Iron Man: EVIL Incarnate!

In Marvel's phenomenally successful (and constantly tardy) Civil War mega-event, Iron Man is the defacto leader of the sinister forces supporting a government registration of superhumans (seen here palling around with the evil Baron Zemo). Despite Marvel's initial claims of a balanced presentation of the two sides, Iron Man is clearly being set up for a switch to the Dark Side as Civil War lurches into its final act.

However, is Iron Man's villainous turn a wildly uncharacteristic demolition of an otherwise sterling hero...or actually the fruition of seeds of evil planted years ago by creators Stan Lee and Jack Kirby?

Well, I initially thought it was the first option, assuming that Iron Man was being thrown under the bus to play the part of "Scary Right-Wing Caricature" in writer Mark Millar's pseudo-political puppet show. Now, after coming across these shocking panels from Avengers #7 (1964), I realize that Tony Stark (in addition to being an icky millionaire) is a cigarette smoker!

Don't believe me? Check out the panels in question,
both completely original and unaltered:

Yup. There he is. Tony Stark......supporter of Big Tobacco, casual generator of second-hand smoke, and completely oblivious to the staggering irony of smoking while he "recharges his life-giving chest device"!

Now that I know this shocking secret from Marvel's Silver Age past, it's no wonder Tony Stark became the goose-stepping government stooge he is today!

Spider-Man Meets...Burgess Meredith?

Courtesy of the awesome Frederator site, someone spotted a pretty amazing cameo on an old episode of Naked City.  No, it's not what you're thinking (perverts).  Naked City was a popular police drama of the late 50's and early 60's (sort of the Hill Street Blues of its day).

Anyway, so the guy's watching the episode and something on a newsstand in the background jumps out at him.  Check out the screen-grab:

(click on the image for a larger view):

That's not only a Spider-Man comic book displayed behind the actors, but the very first appearance of Spider-Man in Amazing Fantasy #15 (1962), hanging there as casually as any other comic book on the stand.

Here's another shot of it nestled behind the reliably sweaty and overwrought Burgess Meredith:

But wait....there's more!.  Take another look at the shot of the two actors, then look just to the right of Amazing Fantasy #15.  Sharp-eyed fans of Silver Age Marvel Comics will recognize the cover to Journey Into Mystery #83, featuring the first appearance of The Mighty Thor!

I'm sure none of the cast and crew of Naked City would have ever guessed a 24¢ purchase of both titles would net them well over $100,000 in today's collector's market.  Maybe that's why Burgess Meredith was sweating so profusely.  He somehow knew he was in the presence of comic book history!

Click here for the original Frederator post.

Fighting the Scourge of Late Comics!

As late comic books have become more and more prevalent, comic book professionals seem to have become all the more apathetic toward the depressing trend.  Rationalizations like "quality products take time to produce" or that comics "are not gum" are routintely offered up to deflect the growing irritation of retailers and fans alike. 

In short, they just don't seem to get it.

However, while looking through the vault of my classic Comic Coverage Institute instructional films, I came across an old favorite that may be able to educate some of today's resposibility-challenged comics pros.

So...dim the lights, pop on that old reel-to-reel
movie projector, sit back, and learn.

Oh, and comics professionals?  Pay attention!

Valentine's Day...GALACTUS Style!

With Valentine's Day just around the corner, the Vermont Teddy Bear Company seems to be pulling out all the stops to be "the Creative Alternative to Flowers".  Customers can choose from a dizzying array of custom-made teddy bears, each with their own theme and meticulously detailed costume.

However, after visiting their site earlier today (for...uh....research, of course), I noted the Vermont Teddy Bear Company seems to have overlooked a potentially huge niche market.  That niche market is, of course, comic book fans!

Enough with the Cupid Bears and Pirate Bears!

Instead, wish your Geeky Significant Other a Happy Valentine's Day with

What says "I Love You" more than a cute-n-cuddly Devourer of Worlds?

Answer:  ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

Spider-Man's Guide to Romance

Part of the appeal of Spider-Man has always been his status as an "everyman" character, a lovable loser we can all identify with at times. Unlike the superheroes who preceded him, he didn't have to pretend to be a nerd.....he was a nerd!  As such, Peter Parker's awkward social skills got him into a number of embarrassing situations early in his career, but few were as embarrassing as his ham-handed approach to impressing the ladies.

So, if you're still searching for that Special Someone to spend Valentine's Day with, be sure to completely ignore the advice of:

As part of the special "Tribute to Teen-Agers" issue of The Amazing Spider-Man #8 (1964), Spider-Man and his rival The Human Torch (a.k.a. Johnny Storm) are busy making the local New York "teen scene" (click on the cover for a larger view).  It should be noted that this particular story featured a rare collaboration of Marvel "Founding Fathers" Jack Kirby (pencils) and Steve Ditko (inks), bringing an interesting "blended authenticity" to the artwork that neither man would have been able to bring on his own (since Ditko's Fantastic Four and Kirby's solo Spider-Man interpretation had much to be desired).

But I digress.

As the story opens, we see Johnny Storm pulling up and turning heads in his fancy 1964 Corvette Sting Ray, as a nearby Spider-Man marinades in jealousy.  As Johnny steps inside to impress the girls with some flame tricks and bathe them in infra-red energy (woah!), Spider-Man decides to join in the fun by weaving a "little" web-bat with his webbing. 

I know it, you know it...we all know it.  This can't end well.

(click on the panels for a larger view)

As anyone with even a molecule of social aptitude could have predicted, the grotesque web bat didn't go over especially well with the teeny bopper crowd.

Naturally, the hot-headed Human Torch was busting for a fight with Spider-Man, so he chased him to a nearby beach for a duel of flame and web-based tricks.  A few pages later, the rest of the Fantastic Four suddenly appeared to convince the tempestuous teenagers to call a truce...which only seemed to make Spider-Man even more ornery.

What's this?  Sue Storm making an undeniable pass at Spider-Man?  Yes, Sue and Reed Richards were not yet married at this point, but still...Sue's very forward behavior introduced some unexpected controversy (not to mention hotness) to the Silver Age of Marvel Comics.

Sue's slinky moves obviously had a calming effect on Spider-Man, as webhead made a hasty exit...but not before insulting three quarters of the world famous quartet.

However, for the fair Sue Storm, Spider-Man left the ultimate awkward expression of geek-superhero affection:  a sticky web valentine in the sand!

Happily, Peter Parker went on to develop a set of reasonably competent social skills, ultimately marrying super-model Mary Jane Watson.  Not too bad for a guy who used to think bats and hearts made of webbing were a one-way ticket to Girlsville.

Are You At Risk For MEDS?

As both DC and Marvel Comics transition from one cosmos-shaking Mega-Event to another, it's important for comics fans everywhere to watch for the warning signs of Mega-Event Derangement Syndrome (or MEDS for short).  MEDS symptoms include intense confusion, chronic hyperbole fatigue and a rapidly deflating wallet!  If you are experiencing any of these symptoms, put the comic book down and call your doctor! 

Remember...the staff here at Comic Coverage cares about you!

Artist's rendition of a typical victim of MEDS.

What If? An Alternate Origin of Batman!

"I am the Watcher. For countless millennia, I have observed the birth of worlds, the rise of civilizations and the deaths of galaxies. I see all that is and all that is to come. I can also peer into alternate realities to glimpse what might have been or could possibly be.  Worlds where familiar events often have very different outcomes!"

"Take, for example, that fateful moment when a single bat inspired a fully-trained yet unfocused Bruce Wayne to fight crime as The Batman."

"This is the reality that you know, but how might comic book history have changed if the invading bat had triggered a somewhat different reaction?"

ODIN: All-Knowing. All-Powerful. All-Fabulous.

One of the most popular segments on the Late Night with Conan O'Brien show is "If They Mated", which imagines what the freakish offspring of tabloid celebrities might look like.

Well, in that same spirit, what would result from the pairing
of Santa Claus with a gaudily-dressed Las Vegas Showgirl?

The answer, of course, is

That's right....ODIN!  Omnipotent Ruler of Asgard, father of THOR, and owner of the most awe-inspiring collection of extravagant headgear in all the Cosmos!

For his earliest appearances in Journey Into Mystery (Thor's original venue), Odin sported the standard stubby-horned helmet and modest cape one might imagine an ancient Norseman wearing, but once Imagineer Extraordinaire Jack Kirby returned to pencil Thor, the All-Father's wardrobe took a dramatic turn toward the fabulous!

Yes, despite Odin's imposing presense, stoic gravitas, and battle-tested power...the guy knew how to wear an outfit.

Come with me now, and behold the
majesty of the Ragnar-Rokkin' Runway! 

The Valhalla-palooza of High Fashion!

...'Cuz I'm the TAXMAN!

As most of my gainfully-employed fellow Americans already know, tomorrow (April 17th) is the deadline to file our income taxes with the hated Internal Revenue Service.

Those of us who aren't frantically trying to complete the byzantine paperwork (having filed weeks or even months ago) still have to endure the insipid coverage of TV news stations interviewing sheepish procrastinators at local post offices.  In short, it's just not a fun day for anyone.

Take heart, fellow citizens.  You're not the only ones who've been bullied and hassled by your bloated, tax-happy government.  When it comes to shaking down productive citizens, the IRS is willing to go after just about anyone...even a certain Man of Steel!

Yes, in anticipation of a dreary Tax Day, let's revisit Superman #148 (1961) for the staggering injustice of

Superman vs. The Taxman: Epilogue

Those of you who stopped by yesterday will recall my summary of Superman's epic clash with The Taxman, a.k.a. IRS agent Rupert Brand.  Superman worked hard to pay off a billion dollar tax bill Brand insisted he owed to the U.S. government, searching high and low for sources of fast income.

One of the sources of easy money I'd mentioned was "a collection of priceless ivory", to which a reader named Jeffrey responded:

"Please tell me that Superman massacred an
entire herd of elephants to get all that ivory."

Well, to assure Jeffrey that Superman did no such thing, I thought I'd offer a brief "epilogue" to yesterday's entry and clear up some of the mystery behind the ivory stash.

You see, using an abandoned Foreign Legion outpost(?) as a receptacle, Superman scoops up the valuable ivory tusks from an elephant graveyard he'd "once spotted" during his travels...

(click on the panels for a larger view)

Unfortunately, as I touched on yesterday, Bizarro randomly appears to "help" Superman in his characteristically backward way, using a duplicator ray to transform the priceless ivory into bars of Ivory Soap!

Sharp-eyed (and slighty older) readers might recognize the subtle in-joke of Bizarro's "It Floats" remark, since that was Ivory Soap's famous tag line dating all the way back to its 19th century origins, as you can see here in this 1894 ad.

So, rest easy Superman fans.  Absolutely no elephants were harmed in the making of this Silver Age comic book story!

Portrait of an Addict

All This, and Bubble Gum, Too!

In the bedroom my brother and I shared as kids, there was a closet door covered with stickers.

"Covered" as in "every square inch covered", and not just with any stickers, mind you, but all the stickers 70's kids loved. 

Zany Rat Fink hot rods, hippy-trippy slogans like "Stop the World, I Wanna Get Off!" or "Keep on Truckin", the infamous, eternally-hilarious and vaguely naughty Wacky Package stickers and, of course, Marvel Superheroes.

Oh, sure...they featured the same kind of frozen stock poses you'd expect from superhero stickers, but it was the humorous commentary of the characters that made the stickers such a hit with the kid crowd.

Sure...not too funny by today's advanced standards of irony-soaked snarkery, but at the time, they were enough to get a chuckle out of a grade school kid. In other words..."mission accomplished".

As a "perfect marriage", of sorts, between bubblegum card kings Topps (the guys behind the Wacky Package stickers) and the "Crazy Uncle Hipster" vibe of Marvel Comics, the superhero stickers mirrored Marvel's flare for self-depreciating humor...never afraid to show their heroes acting a little silly or out of character (unlike DC Comics, their stodgy crosstown rivals).

I mean, come on....seeing the Incredible Hulk making a deodorant joke?  Comedy gold to a nine year old, pal!

To keep their legions of sticker collectors on track (and buying more bubblegum cards), Topps included a handy checklist card with every pack of stickers (showing all 40 characters in the set).

Better yet, the reverse side of each checklist card had a full-color section of a famous Marvel comic book cover. 

Collect all nine unique cover sections, and you had yourself a complete cover. The one I still remember collecting (and completing) was a puzzle of Fantastic Four #100, still one of the all-time great "crowd scene aniversary issue" covers (click image to enlarge).

Of course, that closet door of stickers has long since been cleaned up (not at easy job, as I recall), but man...that thing had more zany hilarity per square inch than an entire season of Laugh-In.

The Game of LIFE: Spider-Man Edition

Originally created in 1861 by Milton Bradley (yeah, that Milton Bradley), The Game of Life has been a hit ever since.  The secret of the board game's popularity is its fast-forward road tour through adult life, as players leave college, enter the workforce and literally drive through all of life's major milestones...all the while amassing (or losing) a fortune. 

The success of the game has spawned a number of special editions, each based upon a popular licensed property.  As you'd expect, each special edition alters the graphics and gameplay to reflect its unique world and characters...such as Spongebob Squarepants, Pirates of the Carribean, or even The Simpsons.

Ah, but wait!  How about a LIFE special edition comic book geeks like ME want to play?  How about....

Think of it:  The Game of Life...only with all the miseries, misfortunes and muted triumphs that have characterized Peter Parker's career as Spider-Man.  I've even worked up a little concept to show Milton Bradley...

Along Came a Spider...

"I am The Watcher.  It is my solemn duty to observe, but never interfere with, the planet Earth and its surrounding solar system. 

As a sort of "hobby", if you will, I also monitor this planet's countless alternate realities, where events familiar to you have transpired in dramatically different ways.

Join me now, as we explore eight such divergent realities...all of which provide an intriguing answer to the question..."

True Tales of (comic book) Horror!

Like anyone who's been at this comic book collecting thing for a significant period of time (in my case over thirty years), I've had my share of both good and...well...not so good experiences.

Oh sure, there's the run-of-the-mill negative experiences like an eBay "sniper" snatching away a coveted comic book at the last possible second, or the constant hassle of making room for your collection.  However, there are a handful of moments from my long collecting "career" that go beyond mundane frustrations and into the starkly HORRIFIC!

One such moment happened back in the early 90's at Fall-Con, the year's biggest comic book convention here in the Twin Cities area.  I was busy locating and pricing various issues of Superman I needed, eventually coming across a copy of Superman #121 (1958).

The dealer priced it a bit on the high side, so before buying it I wanted to make sure it was graded accurately. Being a good little collector well-schooled in comic convention etiquette, I made sure to ask the dealer if I could remove the comic book from its bag.  He reluctantly said "sure", and I carefully started removing it.

As I slowly slid the comic book from the bag, it stopped.

Not good.  I flipped it over and EEEEYYYAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

The tape of the comic book bag flap had stuck firmly to the top edge of the cover...in full view of the dealer, no less!

Here...check out my boneheaded move with a Magni-View of the damage:

Needless to say, I immediately bought the issue from the equally-horrified dealer and skittered off red-faced and cursing myself profusely.

Yeah, in hindsight the damage wasn't all that bad.  I've never been too wrapped up in buying top-condition books, but man....snagging the cover in front of that dealer still makes me cringe.

So, what's your comic book horror story?  If you've got a good one, shoot me an email and I'll include it in a future installment of True Tales of (comic book) Horror!

Point/Counterpoint: Smoking Superheroes

In 2006, Editor-In-Chief Joe Quesada defended a controversial decision to remove all instances of smoking from Marvel Comics titles.  In a statement on Newsarama, Quesada went in to some detail behind the decision, best summarized by this rather blunt statement:

"So, the reason our characters don’t smoke in our books is because
I don’t want them smoking in our books, it’s as simple as that.
Say what you will, it doesn’t matter, smoking causes cancer."

Knowing how the P.R. machines of tobacco companies have responded to such challenges in the past, I couldn't help but imagine what such a pro-tobacco campaign might look like...

"Hi, kids!  My name is Jay Garrick, otherwise known as The Flash.  I've been running at super-speed for well over sixty years.  To what do I owe such a long, super-cool life?"

"Why, cigarettes, of course!"

"Ha, ha!  Surprised you, didn't I?  I'll bet some of you are thinking 'But Jay, isn't smoking the number one evil facing our world today?' Not even close, kids!  In fact, let me show you how smoking made it possible for me to gain super powers!"

"My story begins, appropriately enough, back in Flash Comics #1 (1940), as I monitored an important Hard Water experiment late into the night.  As sleep beckoned, I called upon the sweet concentration-enhancing powers of Lady Tobacco...."

"The cigarette's soothing flavor was just what I needed, as the ecstacy of its problem-solving, life-giving vapors caused me to swoon into the nearby chemical containers...knocking them to the ground!"

"The rest, of course, is history.  The Hard Water fumes knocked me out, which by all rights should have killed me...that is, if it weren't for the protective chemical embrace of my precious cigarettes!"

"I can still remember that moment during my recovery, as that freakishly broad-shouldered nurse was serving me mush...how thankful I was to not only be alive, but supercharged with speed...speed I would later channel as The Flash! Thank you, tobacco!

"Don't forget 'contributes
to super speed'!  Ha, ha!"

Update: Sorry, Jay. It looks like DC Comics eventually modified your origin to reflect modern tastes, as reported by K ² Ramblings. Thanks, Kelson!

The Complete 1977 Shopping List

As the grocery shopper in our house, I usually bring a list the length of a toilet paper roll and end up spending anywhere between two to three hundred dollars.  The other day, as I drove home from the store (exhausted), I thought back to a simpler time, when I had a much smaller list to bring to the store. 

Here's what my typical shopping list looked like in June of 1977:

A Marvel Superheroes Slurpee® drink.

Pop Rocks: The carbonated candy that literally sizzled in my mouth.  Add a swig of Coca-Cola for extra head-exploding fizzing action.

Zotz: Hard candy in a variety of flavors, each with a fizzy sour center.

A pack of bubblegum cards from that
cool new "Star Wars" movie.

...and last, but certainly not least...

Comic books!  From an authentic 7-11 squeeky spinner-rack, no less!  The trick was to get there before all of the comics had been bent over the wire rack from careless browsers...and to avoid the clerk scolding us that "this ain't a library"!

In case you're wondering, YES...these ARE the very same comics that came out in June of 1977...I remember buying them!

TOTAL:  Oh, this is just a guess...but it was probably three bucks for the whole works.  You know, the price of one comic book today!  Arrgghh!

Your Clip-N-Save Guide to Comic Con

Didn't catch my San Diego Survival Guide?  Never fear...I've got it all condensed (more or less) into a handy Clip-n-Save Guide to the San Diego Comic Con.  Before you close that suitcase lid, print it out.  Clip it.  Save it.  Cherish it.  Share its sage advice with a fellow newbie.  Most of all, have fun!

The Legion of "O"

Who knows when or why the trend started...all I know is that by the late 1950's and early 60's, super villains with vaguely Spanish-sounding names ending in the long "O" ("Oh") sound were suddenly the rage.

DC Comics seemed particularly infatuated with "O" villains, as you can see from their "Legion of O-Negative" below. 

From the top left we've got Bizarro, Despero, Mano, Starro, Eclipso, Koko, Computo, Kanto, Dr. Psycho, Destructo, Professor Ivo, Titano, Amazo, Universo, Kanjar-Ro, Evillo, Villo, Count Vertigo, Chemo, Sinestro, and Metallo.

Making their brave stand against the villainous Legion of O-Negative was a small band of heroes whose names also ended with DC's favorite vowel.  The odds were certainly stacked against them, considering their team was made up of two dogs, a baby, a caveman, a terminally ill teen, two adults of questionable sanity, and a monkey. But what they lacked in numbers (as well as intelligence and opposable thumbs), they made up for in raw power.

The Legion of O-Positive (from top left):  Metamorpho,
Supremo, Krypto, Mento, Rovo, Mighto, Anthro, and Beppo.

Ahh, but just when we think the Legion of O-Positive stands a chance, in rushes the Brotherhood of O-Negative Villains from Marvel Comics, no slouches in the O-villain department themselves.

Lead by Magneto (top left), their ranks include (in order):
Ultimo, Mysterio, Baron Mordo, Wendigo, Baron Zemo, Mesmero,
Rhino, Nuklo, Mephisto, Mentallo, Colosso, Vibro, Zarrko, and Electro.

But just when all hope appears lost, the battle is joined by the celebrity might of entertainment sensation Charo, the deep-thinking secular saint Bono, and early 80's Playtex spokeswoman Brenda Vacarro!

Okay...I'll stop now.

Friday Night Fights: Demi-God Demolition!

At the bidding of his royal highness Bahlactus, I shall tell you the tale of the demi-god Hercules and his epic supper club battle with fedora-wearing thugs from Thor #125 (1965). Let me grab my mandolin and sing for you:

"The Ballad of Hercules and the Street Lamp Enema!"

...and, most likely, the "lower regions" of the hapless driver as well! OUCH!

Those Who Lay In Glass Coffins Shouldn't Throw Stones

Or something like that, right?  Anyway, since I do alot of stuff involving comic book covers, you can imagine all the weird stuff and peculiar trends I've come across in my travels. 

One of those oddities is the surprisingly large number of Superman-related covers featuring glass coffins.  Whether they were in suspended animation or supposedly "dead", members of the Superman Family appeared "under glass" at a frequency unmatched before or since.

Marvel's Mighty (and Modest) Monsters!

Before Marvel Comics entered the superhero genre with The Fantastic Four in 1961, they published a seemingly endless parade of giant monster stories...featuring hordes of blunt-fingered, gape-mouthed Kirby creatures.

As a founding member of the Fantastic Four, the Thing served as sort of a "bridge" between Marvel's monster-centric past and its superhero future.  You see, not only did the Thing echo the frightening appearance of his sci-fi predecessors, but their affinity for underwear as well!

That's right...you heard me.  Underwear!

Despite their status as giant radiation-spawned behemoths or rampaging alien conquerors, a surprising number of Marvel Monsters demonstrated a remarkable sense of modesty by wearing huge briefs (or boxers) over their unmentionable regions.

Why?  Who knows...I could take the easy route and assume the Comics Code Authority insisted that a monster who walked like a man should also dress like one.  My theory?  Simply this: Jack Kirby, Steve Ditko and Stan Lee probably just got a kick out of 200 ft. tall monsters running around in their underwear.

UPDATE:

Thanks to one of my ever-alert readers, it seems I've missed a few proud members of the Modesty Monsters!  Once I found out about Goo-Gam (thanks, Bret!), that quickly lead me to his father GOOM.  While I was chasing down those two guys, Moomba and Zzutak popped up as well!  Here they are...

If anyone else knows of any Underwear Monsters I've missed, leave a comment or shoot me an email! There must be a complete accounting of these unique creatures!

Silver Age Outtakes: The Origin of THOR!

From Journey Into Mystery #83 (1962),
featuring the Origin of Thor!

Convention Tips for Dealers: How to Sell More Comics

So I took a drive over to FALLCON on Saturday.  As Minnesota's (and the upper midwest's) biggest comic book convention of the year, it's always worth checking out.  Obviously, it's nowhere near as big or well organized as the major national conventions, but sometimes that's a good thing.

None of the panels really interested me, so I spent most of my hour and a half at FallCon tracking down and buying back issues (before the heat and B.O. got the best of me).  While searching for the issues I needed (at the best prices), I was astounded at how miserable the shopping experience was at so many dealer tables.  So much so, that I thought I'd put together a little list of tips on how comic book dealers can increase their convention sales.

1.  Try to leave more than one millimeter of space between the comics in your long boxes.  Wedging in more comics than the box can hold may save you space, but the comics are nearly impossible to look at without (possibly) damaging the books and exhausting my patience.  Ideally, your customers should be able to see the issue numbers, the title logos, and a bit of the cover art to allow for quick scanning.  Why the cover art and not simply the issue number?  You'd be surprised how many comics I buy on the strength of an attractive cover.  If I have no hope of seeing the cover art, I won't bother looking through your over-packed boxes.

 

2.  Most dealers are pretty good about putting their stock in order alphabetically and by publisher, but a depressing number of them still show up with a mishmash of books in no particular order, leaving it up to the hapless customer to sort through the entire mess to luck onto something they might be looking for.  If you can't take the time to organize your stock, I won't take the time to look at it.

 

3.  If you're going to display your stock two or more tables deep from the main aisle (creating sort of a "mini-store" experience), please... PLEASE make the aisles large enough to fit the Big Boys.  Some of the Con attendees are tipping the scale at three to four hundred pounds, and they're not going to maneuver well in your little lab rat labyrinth, thereby blocking the rest of us from escaping your booth.

 

4.  Can you guys who bring the shabby, disheveled comics separated with bent cardboard or particle board dividers just not bother showing up? Same for the guys who display the comics in dilapidated long boxes that look like they were exhumed from the Tomb of Horror.  Do you really think I'm going to look through those piles of garbage?  There's a place for you guys at it's called "eBay". 

What drives me so crazy about the skeezy collections is that convention booths probably aren't cheap. More reasonable than the San Diego Comic Con, I'm sure, but probably not a pittance either.  You'd think after paying the fee to display comics, a dealer would have the basic marketing sense (and common sense) to make his stock as appealing and easy to look through as possible.  Years ago, sure....they could get away with a sloppy presentation, but now?  Come on guys...you've gotta up your game if you want anyone to look at your stuff, much less buy it.

5.  I really like the guys who show up with competitive pricing.  The "50% Off" tables are the only ones I bother visiting, since the prices make it worth my time to patiently review the stock.  I understand that some 50% Off dealers may play games with their sticker prices (in fact, I can spot those guys immediately), but most of them are straight-shooters and I appreciate their willingness to price their comics to move.  I say all that to transition to a type of dealer I don't much appreciate or understand.  These are the dealers who show up at conventions with all of their books priced at absolute top dollar...at, or most likely, far beyond the Overstreet Price Guide.  I realize a handful of Mr. Moneybag collectors pick up high grade comics with no concern for the cover price, but I venture the vast majority of attendees won't be paying $85 for a mid-1970's issue of Daredevil...especially when I can get the same issue at the same condition for $5 two tables over.  The price gougers are usually the same guys I overhear moaning and groaning about how slow the sales are that day.  Gee, pal...I wonder why?  I mean, wow...who wouldn't want to pay 130% of guide for a comic book?

6.  There's gotta be a better way to sell reduced price stock (a.k.a. "the Quarter Bins") than throwing it all under your table on the floor. It's a spectacle that's hard to describe, as bargain-starved fanboys on hands and knees dig through them like squealing pigs at a trough, completely oblivious to who sees their canyon-like butt cracks.  My fellow Fanboys...have you no dignity?  Is it really worth all that to get a full run of Team America or Atari Force?

So, to all of those FallCon dealers lugging boxes of unsold comics back to whatever hole they came from, try to keep some of my pointers in mind if you come back again next year.  Put a little time and thought into improving the presentation of your stock.  That way, maybe I'll give you some of my time...and, most important to you...my money.

The REAL Cause of Global Warming

After perusing my copy of Superman #156 (1962), I've discovered the real cause behind global warming.  No...counter to what Al Gore and all the rest are saying, the warming of the Earth's temperatures is NOT due to human activity and industry, but to SUPER-human activity!

Let me explain.  In a story entitled "The Last Days of Superman", Superman is believed to have only 30 days to live due to his exposure to Virus-X.  In an effort to help Superman complete his list of lofty goals before his death, Supergirl enlists the help of the Legion of Superheroes and the tiny Superman Emergency Squad.

After completing a host of mighty super feats, Supergirl and the gang then travel to the vast ice fields of Antarctica (click on the panels to enlarge)...

So there you have it...the melting of the Antarctic ice cap is the fault of super-powered teenagers and six-inch tall supermen.  CASE CLOSED!

Separated at Birth?

I'm a big fan of almost everything illustrator Alex Ross paints. 

I say "almost everything" because, being an illustrator myself, I know that even the best of us can have bad days behind the drawing board...Alex Ross included!  An example that immediately comes to mind is a series of Justice League posters Ross created for DC Comics a number of years back.  Some of the character studies were spot on, while others were obviously phoned in.  One of the worst was the Supergirl poster, looking so unlike what most people would picture for Supergirl, that I have to ask...

Is this Supergirl or legendary albino blues guitarist Johnny Winter?

Superhero Christmas Cookies: A Self-Critique

As we do every year, my family and I made Christmas cookies earlier today...although this year I took a slightly different approach with my slab of cookie dough.  Instead of the usual Christmas tree, star, or snowman shapes, I thought I'd introduce a superheroic twist to the holiday goodies.

How'd it go?  Pretty well...though I've gotta say, cookie decorating is an imprecise art at best....a little like threading a needle while wearing boxing gloves.  Some of my superhero cookies worked out pretty well, while others...well...didn't.  Let's take a look at the results, accompanied by a healthy dose of self-critique (click on the cookies for a larger view):

1.  The Flash Symbol:  Simple enough, right?  Lightning bolt in a circle...no problem!  Well, that is, until the frosting tube decided to act up and blurp all over the place, making sharp corners virtually impossible.  Hindsight:  I probably should have used plain white sugar for the circle field behind the lightning bolt.  Still, I'm pretty happy with how it turned out.  Grade:  B-

2. The Superman "S" Shield:  Feeling pretty good about my Flash symbol, I thought I'd tackle the Big Enchilada. Once again, the frosting tube gave me all kinds of headaches, with the red frosting looking more like lumpy mashed potatoes than the smooth red frosting I'd envisioned.  But, despite the glitches, it looks okay.  Grade:  B

3.  The Green Lantern Symbol: After reasonable success with the Flash and Superman symbols, I was starting to get a little cocky.  "Is there NO DC superhero logo that I can't make into a cookie?"  Well, as it turned out...yes.  The Green Lantern Logo was a complete disaster.  Not only was the symbol off-center, but the unpredictable flow of the green frosting made this one a dreaded "eat it quick so nobody sees it" cookie.  Add to that the lame "green glow sugar sprinkles" around it, and I say...let's move on to number four.  Grade: F

4. The Bat Symbol:  Ahh...redemption!  After that pathetic Green Lantern symbol, the success of the Bat Symbol cookie provided me with the second wind I desperately needed to keep going.  By this point, I'd accepted the blotchiness of the frosting, so I didn't sweat the blunted ends of the wing points. 
Grade: B+

Knowing it wasn't likely I'd be able to pull off a decent Wonder Woman logo cookie, I turned my attention to the Marvel Comics side of the aisle.

5.  Iron-Man head:  Since he doesn't have a cool symbol, I went for the head shot....especially since the relative simplicity of Iron-Man's helmet lends itself well to the crude tools of the Christmas cookie trade.  Despite looking like the red portion is melting and his eyes and mouth looking like big black leeches (or turds), I think it looks okay. True, the Iron-Man movie people probably won't be offering me any merchandising deals, but hey...it looks like him.  Grade: B-

6.  Spider-Man Symbol:  Instead of the oval Spider-Man head shot, I thought taking the circular "Spider-Signal" approach would make it bit easier to attempt webbing. After connecting the first two "web strands" to the eyes, I realized I would have to pull the others back if I wanted the eyes to get the prominence they need.  Not entirely successful, but not a complete failure, either.  Grade: C

7. Thor's Hammer:  It was a toss up between Mjolnir and Thor's winged helmet...and the hammer obviously won out.  I'm not blown away by it, but I'm glad I tried it.  In hindsight, I probably should have done Captain America's shield instead. Grade: C

8.  The Thing:  At first, I thought I'd try doing the "4" in a circle logo of the Fantastic Four, but after the frustrating frosting experience with the Superman shield, I'm glad I decided against it.  The Thing was fun to make, since his head is made of such simple shapes.  The yellow-orange sugar matches his color close enough, and I thought the purple candies approximated his "ever-lovin' blue-eyed" look close enough.  A cookie even Aunt Petunia could love!  Grade: B

There you go.  Adventures in sugar cookie dough.  I hope you enjoyed looking at them as much as I did making (and eating) them.

Dr. Doom's SCARY SANTA Gallery!

"I am Victor Von Doom, arch-enemy of the Fantastic Four, inevitable Ruler of the World, and Despiser of All Things Christmas!

In fact, one of my greatest accomplishments is an anti-Christmas campaign I've christened "Operation Santa Scare".  You see, over the last several decades, I've planted countless department store Santas across the United States...Santas whose tattered and terrifying appearance traumatizes young children....forever scarring their perception of that obese toymaker and the insipid holiday he champions!  WhooHa Ha HAAAH!

Monitoring their efforts from my Latverian stronghold, I've assembled a small sampling of my "Scary Santa Squad" operatives for you to see in action. Look upon them, witless cattle, and DESPAIR!

1.  Ahh, yes...Agent L-77's piercing stare of zombie death!  His eyes grab your soul....and shake it to its metaphysical core!

2.  The perfect juxtaposition of innocence...and laser-focused malevolence!

3.  The whithered hands of Agent G-63 have the ability to absorb the raw fear energy from his terrorized young visitors...making him all the more powerful. 

Superman's New Year's Resolutions

The Forgotten Shame of Galactus

You know those embarrassing photos of yourself when you were younger?  Between the goofy haircuts and the dorky clothes, you just can't hide those old photo albums fast enough, right? 

Well, take heart...at least you're in good company.  Even the omnipotent space-god Galactus had some blush-worthy moments in his early appearances...namely what looked to be a huge English letter "G" proudly emblazoned on his armor during his first appearance in Fantastic Four #48 (1966).  Despite the fact that Galactus originated far beyond Earth, eons before the English language (or its various letters) were devised, there he was...sporting that big purple letter G for all the cosmos to see (click on the image for a better look).

Needless to say, the "G" was gone when he returned to Earth a few years later...but not before causing old Buckethead a considerable amount of embarrassment in the years since.

UPDATE: After doing a bit more research, it turns out Galactus sported embarrassing fashions all the way up through the 1980's, including this ill-advised "Choose Life" t-shirt, popularized by WHAM's "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" music video.

Not only was the t-shirt a shameless bid by Galactus to recapture his shrinking teen demographic, but its message was also intensely hypocritical in light of his planet-devouring ways.

Not exactly the old boy's proudest moment.

And Now, A Word from Our Sponsor...

Sub-Plot Interruptus

One of the fun aspects of superhero comics has always been the "shared universe" concept of different heroes existing in the same world, with stories from one title acknowledged in or even affecting the stories other titles.

Most of the time this intertwined hero community works smoothly...but sometimes...well, the phrase "the best laid plans of mice and men often go astray" comes to mind.  Occasionally, for whatever reason, writers and editors of different titles get their wires crossed, resulting in some endearingly goofy glitches in continuity.

I came across a great example of this yesterday, as I read through a 1972 issue of Iron-Man I picked up on Friday.  The story opens with Iron-Man near defeat at the hands of a robot sent by a mysterious manipulator named Mr. Kline, who's scheming from the shadows had become an ongoing sub-plot in the title.  After the robot is defeated by Iron-Man, Mr. Kline himself is shown brooding in a darkened control room somewhere, continuing to plot the downfall of Iron-Man.  One problem, though.  Check out the editor's note on the bottom of the panel (from Stan the Man himself!):

Well, then....I guess that's the end of this particular sub-plot, huh? Obviously, someone dropped the ball on the Mr. Kline resolution and, instead of coming up with some kind of elaborate explanation, Stan simply declared the guy dead and moved on.

Mr. Kline...we hardly knew ye!

The Superhero/SuperBowl Connection

As yet another Superbowl weekend rolls around, it's hard to describe my apathy toward the overblown event and professional football in general. However, upon further reflection, it dawned on me that the seemingly disparate worlds of the NFL and superhero comic books actually have a surprising amount of stuff in common:

Hooray for Hollywood!

No, this doesn't have anything to do with the writer's strike (there are few things on Earth I care less about), but rather an interesting (and somewhat peculiar) obsession with Hollywood that turned up in a number of Silver Age Marvel comics.  Considering co-founder Stan Lee's later association with Tinsel Town, it should come as no surprise that several Marvel heroes found themselves swept up into Hollywood-themed evil schemes.

Let's begin with one of the earliest (and strangest) of these showbiz shenanigans.  In Fantastic Four #9 (1962), a seriously cash-strapped F.F. received a timely telegram from S.M. Studios offering them one million dollars to star in a movie (click on the panel to the left for a larger view).  When they arrived in Hollywood, they discovered the mysterious producer was none other than....the Sub-Mariner??!!  Chomping on a cigarette holder, no less!

Obviously, Prince Namor's character hadn't quite been nailed down yet, since it's difficult to imagine the imperious Sub-Mariner we know now wasting his time and undersea treasure creating his own Hollywood studio.

Here's another early appearance of a supervillain who was quite different from what he would later become.  Amazing Spider-Man #14 (1963) featured the first appearance of the Green Goblin, who was hired to lure Spider-Man out to Hollywood to star in a phony movie (note the first, and only, appearance of the Goblin's mechanical flying broomstick).

Naturally, Spider-Man accepted the offer and soon found himself in this incredibly surreal rehearsal scene with the Enforcers and the Green Goblin (who would one day become his deadliest and most psychotic adversary).

In Captain America #106 (1968), Steve Rogers was informed by a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent that a Hollywood studio was distributing propaganda films of Cap committing atrocities.  It was all a Communist-funded scheme to lure Cap to Hollywood to face a robotic double!

Finally, in Thor #130 (1966), the mighty Hercules was offered a deal by the producer of Stardust Studios, who turned out to be none other than Pluto, the Roman god of the Netherworld (and Herc's evil uncle)!

This endearing trend seemed to be a "Marvel Exclusive", since I don't recall rival DC Comics sending any of their hapless heroes into Hollywood's web of evil and intrigue.  Please correct me if I'm wrong...or if you know of any more Marvel superheroes in Hollywood!

To All the Girls I've Loved Before

For nearly seventy years, Lois Lane has been the love of Superman's life. 

His One and Only. 

The Apple of his Eye.

His Soulmate.

Yeah, RIGHT! If you believe that, you clearly aren't familiar with Superman's extensive "Resume' of Romance"!  Whether tricked, magically manipulated, or genuinely in love, the Man of Steel has found himself in the embrace of an amazing array of women from every conceivable background, species, or galaxy.  I'm sure I've missed a bunch, but here's fifteen of them:

UPDATE: As a great "companion piece" to this post, be sure to check out
Lois Lane's Romances at the always-entertaining Silver Age Comics blog!

Happy Valentine's Day

These don't really exist.  But they should.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Hulk vs. The Thing: A Lesson in Conflict Resolution

Beginning with their first clash in Fantastic Four #12 (1963), the Hulk and the Thing have spent most of the intervening forty-five years smashing and clobbering the heck out of each other (click on the covers for a larger view):

However, after all those decades of earth-shaking slugfests, modern technology has finally provided a new (though somewhat less exciting) way for ol' Greenskin and Mr. Grimm to resolve their legendary animus...

Hulk & The Thing © Marvel Comics

Cover to Cover: Little Dick Grayson Sat In a Corner

As any parent knows, young children tend to like repetition.  Familiar routines bring a sense of order, predictability, and security to little ones who are trying to make sense of the big world around them.

However, Batman's boy sidekick Robin took the repetition thing just a little too far.  You see, on an astounding number of late 1950's and early 60's covers, Dick Grayson could be found in the lower left or right-hand corners looking stunned and/or providing color commentary...often with a raised arm bent at the elbow. Granted, Robin served as a kind of "proxy" for kids who read Batman comics, so this spectator-like role makes a certain kind of sense, I suppose...but at the same time, the sheer repetition of the "corner commentary" shtick gave 

the Boy Wonder an oddly passive presence in situations he would normally be participating in.

Happily, like any kid growing out of a phase, Robin eventually abandoned his spectator status and rejoined the action...but to fully understand the repetitive rut Robin found himself in, let's take a look back at those Corner Commentary covers, shall we?

What the World Needs is One More Super-Team...

And there came a day, a day unlike any other, when superheroes with unusually high collars found themselves united against a common threat.  Through the years, their roster has prospered, changing many times, but their diminished peripheral vision has never been denied!  Make way for