Top 10: Lamest Comic Book Vehicles (Part Two)

Which comic book vehicles are even lamer than the
ones I covered yesterday? Why, funny you should ask... 

The Green Goblin's Flying Broomstick: The Green Goblin's first appearance way back in Amazing Spider-Man #14 (1964) hardly conveyed the complex master villain he would eventually become. As I touched upon in another post, the Green Goblin was initially a somewhat whimsical figure who convinced Spider-Man to star in a phony Hollywood movie. Amplifying the loopiness of the Goblin's debut was his first mode of transportation...a mechanical flying broomstick! Looking a bit like a space age butter churn, the Goblin would ride perched upon the mechanical broomstick while (miraculously) not tipping to the left or right while flying. Thankfully, the much cooler Bat Glider came along with his very next appearance...but Norman Osborn will always have that peculiar, impossibly stable flying broomstick to live down (despite his exalted status in the current Marvel Universe).

The Mountain of Judgement: I run hot and cold on the work of Jack Kirby. I absolutely adore the work he did for Marvel as one of its "founding fathers" during the 1960's, but when he left Marvel (and Stan Lee's moderating influence) in 1970, he completely lost me with the "Fourth World" stuff he did for DC. Made up of four interlinked titles (including The New Gods and Jimmy Olsen), Kirby's cosmic opera was jam-packed with bombastic eccentricity, half-baked concepts, incoherent plots, and a cast of profoundly campy, one-dimensional characters. Putting a bow on the whole mess was Kirby's comically surreal writing style, which tended to dampen, not sharpen, the intended awe factor. When he wasn't dashing off cornball characters like Virman Vundabar, Granny Goodness or Goody Rickles, Kirby cranked out a steady stream of Way-Out Vehicles, which paradoxically seemed to get goofier and less interesting as their size and complexity grew. A good example of this whacknuttery was The Mountain of Judgement, a massive missile transport that resembled a green gargoyle having relations with an choo-choo train. Special Bonus Lame Vehicle: If you look closely, the tiny white object dwarfed by the M.O.J. was another Way-Out Kirby Vehicle known as "The Whiz Wagon". Yes...you heard me. The WHIZ WAGON.

 

The Black Racer's Skis: While I'm beating up on a Beloved Legend, I might as well mention another lame Kirby creation. Technically not a vehicle in the traditional wheeled or winged sense, the Black Racer's flying skis are nonetheless a method of transport....albeit an incredibly goofy one. Obviously meant to evoke the Silver Surfer character he'd created for Marvel, the Black Racer was supposedly the personification of death.

Who wore a knight helmet.
 
With a bright yellow cape.

Who flew.

On skis.

The Fiddle Car: The debut of The Fiddler in All-Flash #32 (1948) also marked the first appearance of his Fiddle Car, one of the earliest (and craziest) of the customized comic book vehicles. When the original Flash was revived several years later in Flash #123 (1961), the Fiddler and his Fiddle Car came with him, along with two more villains from Jay Garrick's old Rogue's Gallery. Though I'll give points to the Fiddle Car for its forward thinking open-air design, its overwhelming camp factor (and inability to parallel park anywhere) cancels out my charitable mood.

The Supermobile: When the radiation of a red sun's explosion robbed Superman of his powers in Action #481 (1978), he built the Supermobile to simulate his lost superpowers, to protect himself from harm, and to claim the world record for the Lamest Comic Book Vehicle Ever Created. Shockingly, the Corgi toy company rolled out a die-cast version of the Supermobile shortly after its comic book debut...so you do the math!

Mercifully, this storyline (Action Comics #481-483) was the one and only appearance of the dreaded Supermobile...which was never to be seen again.

Unless you count that cameo appearance in The All-New Atom #8 (2007). In an alternate future where city governments are based on superheroes of the past, the forces of the Superman and Batman cities team up and invade another city using a fleet of Batwings and Supermobiles!

So there you go.  The ten lamest vehicles in all of comicdom...your mileage may vary.

Comments

[Pat Curley]

The Black Racer isn't black (at least not in the costume--maybe he is underneath) and the other thing that never made sense was the ski poles; what exactly was he planting those into?

And what happened to Amazo's right leg?

[Aldous]

Mark! You left out the Spidermobile! (Now you're going to have to re-do the whole post.)

[Brian Disco Snell]

What, no Spider-Mobile??

[buttler]

Yeah, I always assumed the Supermobile was put into the comic just because the toy was coming out.

It came out alongside a Batmobile toy, and it just seemed like something where they wanted a parallel vehicle for Superman too -- and if there was no reason for him to have one, doggone it they were gonna come up with something anyway.

Also, I totally had that toy.

[Allen]

The Supermobile also has a cameo in this month's Supergirl: Cosmic Adventures in the Eighth Grade (#4).

[Dan Lietha]

I was hoping the Supermobile was going to be number one on this list. I don't have a huge comic book collection, but I do own that issue!

[Mark Engblom]

I *love* the Spider-Mobile...not only for it's funky dune buggy design, but also because Spider-Man himself was in on the joke. HE felt ridiculous driving it around, as if he completely understood the absurdity of having a customized vehicle. The entire Spider-Mobile storyline seemed to be a satire of the whole advertising/toy tie-in/promotional gimmick sensibility, so this particular vehicle stays in the "plus" column for me.

Again....your mileage may vary.

[Wes C]

Good (or bad) list overall.

I agree that the Black Racer is certainly one of Kirby's goofiest character designs. Not exactly threatening...

The Mountain of Judgment on the other hand is awesome! It's one of my favorite things to come out of the Jimmy Olsen portion of the 4th World.

Even as a kid I thought the Supermobile was a stupid idea. Glad to see I topping the list.

[greyman24]

Totally had the Supermobile as a kid. Even weirder was the Superman van that Corgi put out. It was just a standard Chevy van with a pic of Superman flying over his name on the side.

http://www.getnet.net/~richarde/toystore/Images/2002_1026_211259AA%20superman%20van.JPG

Always had to wonder why he'd want a van, let alone one with a picture of himself on the side. Maybe in case friends were moving? It'd function like a big box on wheels for him to carry.

[Mark Engblom]

Chicks dig the van.

[Aldous]

Yes, you're right about the Spider-Mobile. Well put.

[Pat Curley]

Yeah, if they'd done the Spidermobile as anything other than for grins I'd include it, but it was clearly a "Marvel doesn't do this crap" storyline.

[suedenim]

Yeah, if they'd done the Spidermobile as anything other than for grins I'd include it, but it was clearly a "Marvel doesn't do this crap" storyline.

I actually always thought it was a "Marvel does do this crap, dammit" storyline.

I think I read this somewhere as fact - that Marvel corporate made a deal to introduce a Spider-Mobile toy (possibly the Mego one for its 8" line, or perhaps the Corgi one) with a requirement that the Spider-Mobile appear in the actual comics.

Not having been consulted, the Marvel Comics writers and/or editors comply with this edict from Corporate... but in a way that points out what a stupid idea it is."

[ShadowWing Tronix]

The Supermobile also showed up on an episode of Super Friends, and has shown up in a couple other DC toylines. I actually like it (thus proving I don't go along with the group), even though the odds of Superman ever needing it--especially during his quasi-god years--are kind of low.

[Servo]

I was going to add to the Supermobile cameo list by mentioning that you can spot it in the Elseworld's story, Superman: Red Son.

I can't remember where it was in the story (mid-end half?) where the Soviet Superman's trophies are shown in a museum. One of it's many displays is clearly a Supermobile.

Little obscure, I know.

[Mark Engblom]

Ahhh, but NEVER too obscure for Comic Coverage! Thanks, Servo!

[Cedric Hohnstadt]

Do you remember the Super Powers action figures from the eighties? I had a toy Supermobile! I'd completely forgotten about it until just now. Yeah, I guess it is pretty lame. But at the time I thought it was cool.