Top 10: Lamest Comic Book Vehicles (Part One)

Like an impressive headquarters, a super-cool vehicle can really boost a comic character's prestige.

Unfortunately, those vehicles aren't what this Top Ten list is about. In fact, it might be more accurately described as a Bottom 10 list, as I feature what I believe to be the ten lamest vehicles I've encountered in my comic book travels. However, before I get to the list, some clarification. In my book, "lame" doesn't so much refer to a vehicle's visuals (which may or may not be well-designed), but more to its odd or uncharacteristic fit with a certain character. And sometimes...they're just crazy insane.

With that said, let's get to the first five of the Top Ten Lamest Comic Book Vehicles...

The Jokermobile: Considering the Joker's well-documented insanity, I'll cut him some slack and stick his Jokermobile at the top of the list. When the 1950's rolled around, the Joker was changed from a homicidal maniac into a relatively harmless pest who echoed many of Batman's gadgets and vehicles...including a customized car. On one hand, the Jokermobile had an undeniable goofy charm...but on the other hand, it embodied just how far afield the Batman comics of the 1950's and 60's had strayed from their moody and mysterious beginnings.

The Doom-Copter: When Doctor Doom made his debut in Fantastic Four #5 (1962), he appeared over their Baxter Building headquarters piloting this bizarre helicopter. Referred to only as his "plane", the silly shark/jack-o-lantern face on the front seems pretty uncharacteristic of Doom...even here at the very beginning of his long history. 

The Invisible Plane: Hands-down one of the strangest comic books of all time, early Wonder Woman stories were packed with all kinds of bizarre and nonsensical elements. One of the most nonsensical was Wonder Woman's Invisible Plane, an unlikely device to come from an isolated society of mythic warrior women. Decades later, a reboot of the character dumped the plane and gave her the ability to fly (not a stretch considering her heritage), but for the first forty-five years of Wonder Woman's history, this unseen telepathically-controlled flying non-sequitur was her primary mode of long-distance travel.

Magneto's Magna-Car: Like fellow arch-villain Dr. Doom, the early Magneto also had a flair for cheesy customized vehicles. Resembling a giant magnet on wheels, the Magna-Car was used to transport Magneto and his Brotherhood of Evil Mutants to and from their crime sprees. At the time, I'm sure it was a nifty little contraption...but as the X-Men foe grew in complexity over the years, the Magna-Car seems comically out-of-sync with the character we now know as Magneto.

 

The Flying Batcave: Of all the exotic bat-themed vehicles in the Bat-Garage, there's one vehicle that beats them all not only in size, but in sheer lameosity! Boasting its own crime lab, garage, kitchen, sleeping quarters, and mini-trophy room (with its own giant penny!), the Flying Batcave made its jaw-dropping debut in Detective Comics #186 (1952). In its second (and mercifully last) appearance 11 years later (Det. Comics #318), the Flying Batcave was the location of the Center City Police Convention! Holy Campy Excess, Batman!

Since the fragile human mind can only handle so much horror, that's it for now. Get some rest, clear your minds, then come back tomorrow for Part Two, where I'll cover the final five of the Top Ten Lamest Comic Book Vehicles!

Comments

[buttler]

I dunno why you gotta go hatin' on the Invisible Plane.

I'm really curious about the final five now. It's hard to beat the Supermobile for sheer silliness, unless you take into account the Thanoscopter.

[Hube]

Ah, the Doom-Copter. Reminds me of the second FF film -- me and my [comics-lovin'] buddy burst out laughing at that cheesy helicopter Doom arrived in to meet the Silver Surfer ... the generic triangle with "VON DOOM" written in the middle ...!

[Mark Engblom]

"I dunno why you gotta go hatin' on the Invisible Plane."

Like I said, it just doesn't connect with Wonder Woman's Greek mythology background at all. I understand the Amazons were technologically advanced, but it was a big disconnect for a society so at odds with "Patriarch's World" to adopt the design of their technology for their ambassador's transport.

That, and it's an invisible airplane.

[Nimbus]

Ah, I also love the invisible plane, though I agree it doesn't make sense (but still, these are comic books - making sense is a secondary concern).

I reckon WW still flies using her invisible plane - it's just that you can't see it. ;-)

[Mark Engblom]

Hey, buttler...thanks for the link to the Thanoscopter! It's definitely a stinker, but I guess the old Spidey Super Stories title (for early readers) is exempt from my cynical gaze.

[ShadowWing Tronix]

I noticed you included a scene from one of the Wonder Woman live-action stories. Proof positive that the Invisible Jet as designed pre-Crisis doesn't work. At least the introduction post-Crisis made sense. Until the "Wonderdome" conversion.

The Jokermobile was used in Brave and the Bold, and it just looked bad. I think the Filmation series had their own design, and as I recall it was pretty cool. (It's been a while, though.)

[suedenim]

Is the Jokermobile supposed to look like it's going in reverse? Those look like tail lights in the picture - or is that just wacky-yet-accurate '50s automotive design?

(Or is he *actually* driving in reverse there? The odd "driving compartment" looks like it could have separate fore-and-aft driving stations if desired....)

[Mark Engblom]

I suppose with the Joker (and his wacky off-screen designer/builder), anything is possible. In this particular scene, he *was* driving forward. He also had Lex Luthor sitting in the passenger seat, who I removed for clarity's sake (the Jokermobile was taken from an issue of World's Finest).

[Daniel]

I know it doesn't make sense. I don't care. I love the invisible plane.

I think she should also have an invisible whirly-bat. Well, I guess you'd have to call it something else. Wonderwhirl, maybe.

[Michael Doty]

I admit the Invisible Plane is pretty silly, but it was used to decent effect in Matt Wagner's Trinity miniseries and DC: The New Frontier.

Plus, it inspired the great "Glass Plane" gag from MAD's classic "Woman Wonder" spoof.

[Mark Engblom]

"I know it doesn't make sense. I don't care. I love the invisible plane."

LOL! That's the beauty of comic book fandom. One man's travesty is another man's treasure.

[buttler]

Oh yeah, the Thanoscopter totally doesn't count, but it's still pretty hilarious. I also love that at the end of that story, Thanos is taken downtown in cuffs by the NYPD. Case closed!

I just remembered that Green Arrow could potentially close out this category all on his own with his various old copybat vehicles like the Arrowcar and Arrowplane -- and who could forget Captain Boomerang's Space-Boomerang? This is what I love about comics -- they're a freaking gold mine for this kind of stuff.

[Mark Engblom]

I had considered the Arrow Car, but decided against it because it was such a bland-looking thing compared to the ten I chose, so I passed it by.

Speaking of that era's Green Arrow, did anyone catch the Green Arrow episode of the Brave and the Bold cartoon where they showed Batman taking verbal jabs at GA for copying his stuff? Very funny....mainly because it's an exchange you never would have seen happen in the old comics (though I'm sure many comic creators were thinking it).

[Pat Curley]

I got a nervous feeling that the Whirly-Bats are going to make an appearance here in the second part. BTW, small error in the text; the first Flying Batcave story was Tec #186. I don't know if you have the innards to that second appearance, but in it Batman reveals the Bat-Racer, a miniature Batmobile that would certainly qualify for this list.

[buttler]

One of the best moments in Kevin Smith's resurrection run on Green Arrow was when Batman called Ollie out about his old Arrowcave, Arrowplane, Arrow Signal and all that, asking him if he'd ever had an original idea in his life.

The Arrow Signal showed up in the latest issue of Green Arrow/Black Canary. I could hardly believe it.

[Mark Engblom]

Pat-

Thanks for the correction. I've corrected the post.

Oh, and the Whirly-Bats are safe. I've always been fond of those goofy things (which underlines just how subjective all of this stuff is).

The "Bat Racer", eh? I'd love to see it (and maybe add it to my Bat-Garage post).

Buttler-

Hah! I'd forgotten about that exchange.

Was there REALLY an Arrow Signal? REALLY?

[buttler]

Ohhh yeah there was. The Arrow Signal first appeared in World's Finest #28 (1947) and last appeared in Green Arrow/Black Canary #18 (this month) -- with a long gap in between, admittedly. It was one of the things that went out when Ollie started getting his own personality, and the goatee.

[buttler]

Oh whoops, I may as well link to it, huh? Witness the thunderous return of the Arrow Signal: http://www.comicbookresources.com/?page=preview&id=2199&disp=table

[Pat Curley]

Google The Flying Batcave, Mark, and Scott Saavedra's page should come up with a look at the Bat-Racer. It looks like one of those kiddie cars.

[Al Bigley]

Ya know-the Invisible Plane is really a TRANSPARENT plane!

Or, is it really supposed to be invisible?

Then, passers-by would look up to see a flying Wonder Woman, in an odd seated position, blasting thru the skies!

Very odd!

Al Bigley