Dr. Doom's SCARY SANTA Gallery: The SEQUEL!

••• PART TWO •••

"Greetings, ignorant curs! I am Victor Von Doom, the greatest enemy of both the Fantastic Four and the insipid holiday known as Christmas!  As I revealed last year, I have been undermining Christmas for years through 'Operation Santa Scare', a secret campaign to frighten children with my army of sinister Santa agents planted in department stores across the United States. The sheer terror generated by these Bearded Beazlebubs has made a normally joyful time into an unholy trauma for countless mewling brats...their tear-stained screams serving as sweet music to my ears!"

"This year, I shall reveal ten more of my most prized "Sinister Santas"...some of whom may be plying their anti-Christmas craft at a shopping mall near you!"

1. "Agent F-77's dingy yellow beard can't hide the malevolence behind those shifty, calculating eyes. Why, even the cartoon character on the boy's shirt is scared witless!"

2. "Not even the wails of a screaming infant can wake the creepy, narcoleptic Agent Z-ZZ...bundled snugly inside his beard and hat while dreaming evil dreams."

 

3. "Don't let the smile of Agent Q-32 fool you...those angry eyebrows and the claw-like death grip on the hysterical child reveal his inner moral rot!"

4. "Feel your willpower slip away under the blank, hypnotic gaze of Agent X-1000, a fully robotic operative capable of terrorizing three children at once!"

 

5. "One of my greatest agents, C-33 boldly displays his anger and contempt for all that is good and decent."

6. "Can you feel the waves of evil (and menthol) wafting from Agent D-53?"

7. "Though not a truly living agent, the cyclopean stare of my miniature Santa Drone accomplishes the same goal: Total and utter hysteria!"

8. "Look how youthful innocence is eclipsed by the slovenly, highly-intoxicated evil of Agent Y-45!"

9. "Agent T-63, a hatless madman, triggers instant fear with hair resembling SNL character Rosanne Rosannadanna and smelling like a filthy Texaco bathroom!"

10. "Ah, Agent B-00...my pride and joy!  This eerie emissary of evil gives even me, DR. DOOM, a shiver of fright...as his cold, dead eyes and grave-pale skin consume all innocence, happiness, and light within a five mile radius. Exquisite."

"Now that I have crippled you with fear and despair, I take my leave.  I shall spend every moment between now and thrice-cursed Christmas monitoring the misery spawned by my Sinister Santas! Slowly, but surely, I shall bring an end to this fetid holiday of rank hypocrisy...one screaming baby at a time!"

"WhooHa Ha HAAAH!"

Comments

[Dr. Retro]

Hilarious! I think I laughed even harder and louder this year than last year. You have a great sense of humor.

[Z Ryan]

I think my mom has a #7. I believe I broke it was a kid and it had to be glued back together.

#10 seems to be wearing a Japanese Kabuki mask or something. Terrifyingly unnecessary!

[Hube]

OH. MY. GOD.

I just can't stop laughing!!! These are freakin' HILARIOUS!!!!! I mean, the pics are good enough, but the commentary is PRICELESS!!

Thanks again, Mark!! (No thanks for making me ruin yet another keyboard with spit-up coffee, but thanks for the gut-busting laughs!!

[Zetaman]

Hahahahahahaha! This is one of the best blogs ever! Dr. Doom is pure evil.

[Hube]

That #5 continues to kill me ... LOL!!!