Secrets of Super-Sharp Coolness

Since ancient times, men have devised countless ways to attract the attention of women.  When it comes to romance, men have always been willing to abandon whatever shred of good taste, intelligence and dignity they might have once possessed for the promise of a lady's affection.

Naturally, crafty entrepreneurs have long since figured how to make a buck off of this love-starved lunacy, each offering their own unique blend of snake oil and promises to snare hapless, romance-challenged males.

The perfect embodiment of these sleezy desperation merchants was Masculiner, whose ads were a familiar feature of comic books published from the late 60's through the 70's.

First, the oh-so-subtle opening pitch...

What man wouldn't want to look exciting,
romantic and impressive?  So far, so good!

Tell me more!

Yes, that's right.  Masculiner sold fake
stick-on hair to smooth-faced losers who yearned to:

In short, a bold

If these three distinct macho looks weren't enough to clinch the sale, Masculiner administered the killing stroke with...the Fake Facial Hair Trifecta!

Surely no living female could resist the
combined romantic power of The Three!

Comments

[ABS]

I actually tried growing all three at once several years ago. It turns out, chicks do not dig it.

[Mark Engblom]

LOL! Sorry to hear that, ABS. You might have saved some time if you'd just sent away for the MASCULINER products.....

[Gus]

I wanted these so bad when I was 7.