Comic Coverage

Cover to Cover: Unfrozen Caveman Superhero

The History of Prehistory in Superhero Comics

The prehistoric world has always fascinated the modern audience, most likely because it’s so completely out of our reach. 

Unearthed artifacts and scattered remains offer some vital clues as to what prehistoric life might have been like, but ultimately that ancient era and its people are unknowable to us.  Despite this knowledge gap, our collective imagination has settled upon a standardized archetype of early man: the fur-clad, hairy brute lugging a massive club (or stone-tipped spear), generically referred to as a “caveman”.  Whether he was capable of speech (or not), a contemporary of dinosaurs (or not), or able to propel stone cars with foot power (I’m looking at you, Flintstone), the caveman has been a remarkably versatile and enduring member of the pop cultural pantheon.

Proof of that versatility can be found in Tales of Suspense #40 (1963), as Iron Man (in only his second adventure) meets Gargantus, a caveman bent on conquering the small town of Granville.  However, Gargantus was no run-of-the-mill caveman, but actually a robot created by invading aliens who wanted to avoid detection. Because, you know, a twelve-foot giant caveman is much more subtle than invading aliens.

Sixteen Candles

As bizarre and unbelievable as these crazy comic books can be, even more unbelievable is the fact that my daughter (our "first born") turns 16 years old today! Where's the time gone?

Well, in honor of Alyssa's "Sweet Sixteenth", I thought I'd "borrow" the classic cover of Action Comics #285 (1962) and wish her a Happy Birthday!

"Sixteen candles in my heart will glow
For ever and ever for I love you so...

from "Sixteen Candles" by The Crests (1958)

Complete Super Bowl (Comic) Coverage

Though I'm hardly what anyone would consider a sports fan, even I have to acknowledge the pop cultural vortex that is The Super Bowl.  Although it's almost impossible for me to care less about which team wins or loses, I'm contractually obligated (as an American male) to step up and offer my own prognostication on who will win the Game of Games...using easy-to-understand comic book imagery.

Symbollically representing the Super Bowl XVI matchup of the Indianapolis Colts vs. The Chicago Bears is the cover of Kid Colt Outlaw #106 (1962):

Despite Kid (Indianapolis) Colt's clear advantage of firearms, spurs, and a wiley human brain, the (Chicago) Bear's got raw animal fury on his side...as indicated by his literal off-the-chain lunge!  I'd  be tempted to say this one's too close to call, if it wasn't for the additional threat of evil aerialists, acrobats and strongmen tipping the odds in the (Chicago) Bear's favor (perhaps representing biased sports commentators, incompetent officials and assorted media jackals attempting to sway the game).

On the other hand, the heavy odds against him give Kid (Indianapolis) Colt an undeniable underdog factor that's hard to resist. With that in mind, I predict a 38-27 Kid (Indianapolis) Colt victory over the (Chicago) Bear.

However, regardless of how the game turns out, I'll be more interested to see how fellow Minnesotan (Viking) Prince does at halftime.

UPDATE: So I was only about 10 points off on each team's score.....what matters is that I correctly called the winner!

As for Prince...singing Purple Rain in the rain?

You can't buy that kind of perfect.

Brrr!

For those of us who grew up and continue to live in the frozen tundra of the upper midwest, we take pride in our hearty tradition of facing bitterly cold temperatures with viking-like stoicism.

But this is ridiculous.

As you can see from the TV weather map to the left, we've plunged far below the zero mark here in Minnesota (and elsewhere), making even the most minor outdoor task a major chore involving five to ten minutes of "suiting up" as if we were preparing to walk on the moon.

How do I describe 10º to 30º below zero to someone living in Florida or California? Well...I can't. Instead, I'll let some classic comic book covers do the talking, which (after multiplying the effect by a hundred) will hopefully give you warm-weather sissies at least a snowflake's worth of understanding of what it might be like to walk a mile (or to the mailbox) in my triple-lined snow boots.

Global Warming?

Yeah.....right. (shiver)

Classic Ads: Escalating the BB Gun Arms Race

Anyone who's read an older comic book should be familiar with the ubiquitous ads for the Daisy Manufacturing Company and their dazzling arsenal of BB guns. Boys (and their dads) were hectored by Daisy's breathless ads to buy the latest in BB-gun technology, along with a dizzying array of accessories, upgrades and add-ons (kinda like computers, now that I think about it). 

This "BB-Gun Arms Race" resulted in neighborhoods that were stuck in a perpetual stalemate of "mutually assured destruction", as no boy and his rifle seemed to have a clear advantage over his equally well-armed pals.

That is, unless they happened to come across an ad in Superman #116 (1957) for The Automatic Tri-Pod Machine Gun!

(click on the ad for a larger view)

Just check out these features:

Key words:  "fighting", "ammunition" and "real".

Okay, what else?

Music to my ears. Tell me more....

Good thinking.  In the world of BB-gun warfare, a direct hit is crucial.

Finally...the Coup De Gras:

It's like a magical kid-Valhalla!  It...it's simply beautiful (sniff).

You may ask: "Why would a child need an Automatic Firing Tripod Machine Gun? Aren't they dangerous?"

To which I would reply, "How long have you been without a human soul?"

Look, don't ask questions.  Just bask in the zen-like glory of the Tripod Machine Gun...a relic from an ancient time when a child's toy ad could include the words "ammunition" and "deadly" with nary an eyebrow raise.

YouTube Theatre: S for SUPERMAN!

As a proud member of Sesame Street's original demographic (I was about 4 years old when it premiered in late 1969), I can still remember a few of their short educational bits.

The most unforgettable of them was, of course, "S for Superman".  In this minute-long segment, the Man of Steel gave us wee lads and lasses a short lesson on words starting with the letter "S", including Superman himself.

I probably saw this when I wasn't entirely sure who Superman was yet (though the comic book at Grandma's house may have tipped me off), but whatever the case, it fascinated me and stuck with me for many years.

As the years and decades flew by, I'd always hoped for an opportunity to see this segment again, but I could never seem to track it down...even as the internet age of random, obscure video dawned.

That is, until YouTube came along:

Highlights:

1.  Superman hurling the bad guy's spaceship to....who knows?  A police station?  Prison?  The SUN?

2.  Superman's urgent, no-nonsense tone throughout the lesson.  It's almost jarring in contrast to today's gentle, soothing tones in educational programming.  Granted, the lines were read by Bud Collyer (Superman's voice on the original radio show, the Fleischer cartoons and the 1960's Filmation series), so the recognition factor was definitely there for that audience...but still, it's pretty brusk. Endearingly so. 

3.  My favorite part?  The final line:

"Yes, sir!  'S' is a very important letter!  So the next time you think of 'Superman', think of the letter 'S'!  It's my favorite!"

Mine too, Superman. Mine too.

Valentine's Day...GALACTUS Style!

With Valentine's Day just around the corner, the Vermont Teddy Bear Company seems to be pulling out all the stops to be "the Creative Alternative to Flowers".  Customers can choose from a dizzying array of custom-made teddy bears, each with their own theme and meticulously detailed costume.

However, after visiting their site earlier today (for...uh....research, of course), I noted the Vermont Teddy Bear Company seems to have overlooked a potentially huge niche market.  That niche market is, of course, comic book fans!

Enough with the Cupid Bears and Pirate Bears!

Instead, wish your Geeky Significant Other a Happy Valentine's Day with

What says "I Love You" more than a cute-n-cuddly Devourer of Worlds?

Answer:  ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

Spider-Man's Guide to Romance

Part of the appeal of Spider-Man has always been his status as an "everyman" character, a lovable loser we can all identify with at times. Unlike the superheroes who preceded him, he didn't have to pretend to be a nerd.....he was a nerd!  As such, Peter Parker's awkward social skills got him into a number of embarrassing situations early in his career, but few were as embarrassing as his ham-handed approach to impressing the ladies.

So, if you're still searching for that Special Someone to spend Valentine's Day with, be sure to completely ignore the advice of:

As part of the special "Tribute to Teen-Agers" issue of The Amazing Spider-Man #8 (1964), Spider-Man and his rival The Human Torch (a.k.a. Johnny Storm) are busy making the local New York "teen scene" (click on the cover for a larger view).  It should be noted that this particular story featured a rare collaboration of Marvel "Founding Fathers" Jack Kirby (pencils) and Steve Ditko (inks), bringing an interesting "blended authenticity" to the artwork that neither man would have been able to bring on his own (since Ditko's Fantastic Four and Kirby's solo Spider-Man interpretation had much to be desired).

But I digress.

As the story opens, we see Johnny Storm pulling up and turning heads in his fancy 1964 Corvette Sting Ray, as a nearby Spider-Man marinades in jealousy.  As Johnny steps inside to impress the girls with some flame tricks and bathe them in infra-red energy (woah!), Spider-Man decides to join in the fun by weaving a "little" web-bat with his webbing. 

I know it, you know it...we all know it.  This can't end well.

(click on the panels for a larger view)

As anyone with even a molecule of social aptitude could have predicted, the grotesque web bat didn't go over especially well with the teeny bopper crowd.

Naturally, the hot-headed Human Torch was busting for a fight with Spider-Man, so he chased him to a nearby beach for a duel of flame and web-based tricks.  A few pages later, the rest of the Fantastic Four suddenly appeared to convince the tempestuous teenagers to call a truce...which only seemed to make Spider-Man even more ornery.

What's this?  Sue Storm making an undeniable pass at Spider-Man?  Yes, Sue and Reed Richards were not yet married at this point, but still...Sue's very forward behavior introduced some unexpected controversy (not to mention hotness) to the Silver Age of Marvel Comics.

Sue's slinky moves obviously had a calming effect on Spider-Man, as webhead made a hasty exit...but not before insulting three quarters of the world famous quartet.

However, for the fair Sue Storm, Spider-Man left the ultimate awkward expression of geek-superhero affection:  a sticky web valentine in the sand!

Happily, Peter Parker went on to develop a set of reasonably competent social skills, ultimately marrying super-model Mary Jane Watson.  Not too bad for a guy who used to think bats and hearts made of webbing were a one-way ticket to Girlsville.

Cover to Cover: Love Is In The Air!

The Happiness and Heartaches of Superhero Romance!

When it comes to matters of love and romance, only the Immortal Bard
can say it best. No, not William Shakespeare, but the late, great Barry White.

Take it away, Barry:

Thanks, Barry.

Now that the deep-voiced crooner has set the proper mood, it’s time to pour some wine, pull up a bearskin rug and swoon over some superhero romance covers.

Although comic book covers are normally the place for heated battles, villainous schemes or zany transformations, they’ve also been known to feature the occasional romantic interlude…as Cupid’s arrows compel busy crime fighters to take a break and experience the finer things in life.

Our first love connection harkens back to the melodramatic romance comics of decades past. Captain America #44 (2001) finds the two lovebirds secretly fretting over their relationship.  Cap/Steve wonders if the lovely Connie Ferrari will accept him for who he is, while Connie can't decide which identity she's really in love with. And why Cap is only wearing half a mask.

Gold Nuggets: Billy "Hot Lips" Batson

Although it's been over fifty years since the fabled Golden Age of Comics came to a close, the grit and heroism of those simple tales can still inspire the jaded audience of today.  That's why I'm kicking off a new feature titled Gold Nuggets, offering glimpses of the jaw-dropping courage and no-nonsense moxie (and occasional stupidity) of the Greatest Generation of comic book characters.

Our inagural Gold Nugget comes from Fawcett's Captain Marvel Adventures #1 (1941).  In a story titled "Captain Marvel vs. Z" (by the team of Joe Simon and Jack Kirby, no less), Billy Batson is captured by Dr. Sivana and his super-powered minion "Z", who then leave him bound and gagged in Sivana's burning hideout.

With the gag preventing Billy from yelling "SHAZAM", he's done for, right?

WRONG!

Billy uses his quick wits (and freakish
flexibility) to burn the gag off of his face!

If that doesn't gain Billy Batson an instant induction into
the Testosterone Hall of Fame, I don't know what will.

Worst. Cover. Ever. (part 10)

One of history's most enduring mysteries has been The Newsstand Narcolepsy of 1963, as thousands of newsstand customers across the nation suddenly collapsed into a state of deep sleep.  When the victims were finally roused from their slumber, none of them could remember what triggered their instantaneous sleep. 

After doing a little detective work, I think I've finally solved the mystery.

Since cover dates have traditionally been three months ahead of the actual on sale date, a comic book with a cover date of February 1964 on sale in December of 1963 may have been the trigger for the spontaneous snoozing.  That comic book could only have been...

Warning: You may experience drowsiness or sudden, unexplained sleep. Do not drive or operate heavy machinery while viewing the following cover!

As I was saying, That comic book could only have been

The Amazing Spider-Man #10: The Dullest Cover Ever Created.

Against the vacant, lime-green background, the already underwhelming threat of The Enforcers (basically throwbacks to the gangster archetypes of yesteryear) is made even less compelling.  Add to that Spider-Man's kinda goofy, distorted anatomy and the bland-as-bran lettering, and it's easy to see how unsuspecting newsstand customers could have been instantly bored to sleep when catching a glimpse of this cover.

Believe me...I'm a big fan of cover artists Jack Kirby and Steve Ditko, but the example above can certainly be considered one of their rare strike-outs.

Making the publication of this cover even more troubling was the discovery of an alternate, and far superior cover design by Steve Ditko (click on the image for a larger view). As you can see, the alternate cover design is much more dramatic and interesting.  Better yet, the story's central mystery, the true identity of The Big Man, received the thematic attention it deserved by placing the masked mastermind (as well as a huge red arrow pointing him out) front and center.  While the background is still a bit on the spare side, we're at least given some idea of context and setting in this version.  In every respect, this cover design trumps the actual published version...and I'd love to find out why it ultimately wasn't chosen by Stan the Man.  Anyone happen to know?

Well, whatever the story was behind the two versions of Spider-Man #10, it seems the case of The Newsstand Narcolepsy of '63 has finally been cracked.

Presidential Coverage

How does one properly celebrate the birthdays of George Washington and Abraham Lincoln, two of America's most beloved Presidents? 

True, half-price mattress sales and yet another vacation day for government workers are the traditional ways we celebrate these remarkable gentlemen...but this year, superhero comic books add their unique voice to the chorus of deeply moving tributes:

A hulking, 9 foot George Washington from Hit Comics #44 (1947) and the giant Lincoln Statue attack robot from Captain America #222 (1978) combine to create a patriotic salute no mattress savings or closed Department of Motor Vehicles could ever hope to equal...much less surpass.

So here's to you, George and Abe...Happy Birthday!

At the Movies: Ghost Rider

With both of us having Presidents Day off, my son and I thought we'd take in the new Ghost Rider movie. I went into it having read a number of reviews from comic fans and non-fans alike, many of whom gave it a qualified "good, but cheesy" or "entertaining despite the goofiness" kind of review.

Well, after seeing the movie, I'll definitely confirm the cheesy and goofy elements....but at the same time, isn't that what the Ghost Rider character was always supposed to be? In other words, this was one hell of a faithful adaptation to film (pun intended).

After all, Ghost Rider's supernatural cycle first roared to life at the height of motorcycle stuntman Evel Knievel's popularity in the early 1970's, while at the same time capitalizing on pop culture's renewed interest in the supernatural. Right from the start, Ghost Rider was never intended to embody the elegant frights of Victorian literature, but instead became an almost "patron saint" of a uniquely American supernatural genre.

What would that be, exactly?

Well, it's that wonderfully "caricatured" brand of the supernatural we see at a traveling carnival's haunted house or the extravagant ghouls tatooing the arms of its toothless Carnies. It's the cartoonish demonology of heavy metal bands or the intricate painted flames adorning hell-powered muscle cars. It's the paradoxically plainly silly yet undeniably cool sound of a rumbling Harley engine or a testosterone-fueled drag race a few blocks down. A world where Bon Jovi-spawned demons follow rules, sign contracts and wear fashionable floor-length leather coats.

It's this bizarre hybrid of "Trailer Park Gothic" and Harley-culture machismo that I think the Ghost Rider movie perfectly captures and celebrates. Nicolas Cage delivers an eccentric, Elvis-channeling Johnny Blaze, while Peter Fonda (the Easy Rider himself) plays a convincing "gentleman devil" archetype. Eva Mendes pulls off the near-impossible as a compassionate, intelligent love interest while simultaneously looking like a NASCAR Cleavage Queen. Bringing his trademark cowboy gravitas to the cast was Sam Elliot, imparting his mumbled wisdom to Johnny "Bonehead" Blaze.

Director Mark Steven Johnson (who also directed the unfairly-maligned Daredevil) completely understood the tricky balance he needed to strike between camp and cool, which his brisk pacing of the film helped to pull off. Slow moments of introspection and "high art" would have not only made the goofier elements that much more conspicuous, but would also completely miss the point of the Ghost Rider character itself, much like Ang Lee's pretentious "Hulk" movie did a few years back. No, Johnson seemed to know we weren't here for deep existential insights into the duality of man, or to explore the mysteries and contradictions of faith, and...instead.....gave us an exhilerating, pedal-to-the-metal ride through a garish CGI spookhouse.

So, if you're looking for the glacially-paced horrors of M. Night Shyamalan movies or the "weirdness in the nooks and crannies of the everyday world" stories of Stephen King...this movie isn't for you. However, if you "get the joke" when it comes to the high-octane carnival of screaming hell-cycles and flaming skulls wearing studded leather and pocket chains...step right up.

Rating: Three out of four Flaming Skulls for Ghost Rider

Profiles in Villainy: Catwoman

Feline Femme Fatale.

Master gymnast and hand-to-hand combatant.

Loyal customer of Dainty-Kat® Kitty Litter.

Catwoman © DC Comics

Click here for more Profiles in Villainy!

Cover to Cover: Way-Out West!

Sci-Fi Comes to the American Frontier

When the popularity of superhero comic books faded in the late 1940’s, one of the genres that filled the void was Western comics.  These All-American tales of sturdy cowboys, noble gunslingers and earnest Hollywood matinee stars dominated the newsstands for the next decade. Western comics typically kept their stories within the realm of believability, as these champions of the Old West encountered conflicts and threats that at least seemed authentic, even if historians didn’t quite see it that way.

Despite their huge success, the exploding popularity of science fiction in the late 1950’s forced most Western comics to ride off into the sunset, while the handful of stragglers that stuck around needed to make some rather drastic changes in order to survive.  Instead of the traditional Old West threats of bullies, crooks, varmints, owlhoots and polecats, cowboy heroes now faced an almost endless parade of Atomic Age menaces!

Always a magnet for frontier weirdness, Tom Hawk and his Rangers battled “The Alien Indian Chief”, who made the Native American cause his own in Tomahawk #79 (1962).

And the Oscar Goes To....

I don't have much use for the Academy Awards and all of its
vapid self-congratulation.  After all, why would you want gold....

...when silver is so much cooler?

Classic Ads: Be a Good Citizen!

A common feature of comics published from the 1940s through the 1960s were their earnest Public Service Ads (PSA's), which sought to teach a variety of social and moral lessons to young readers.  However, their undeniably good intentions sometimes produced unintentionally amusing or even surreal results...such as the day in 1962 when Superman taught two youngsters the virtues of good citizenship.

Our lesson begins as John and Billy arrive at the
local community club to do some charity work.
Hey!  That sounds like good citizenship to me!  What's the problem?

(click on the panels for a larger view)

Ah....yes.  Billy's careless placement of his bike, like the Serpent lurking in Eden, foreshadows troubled times ahead.

In panel three, Billy casually dismisses a dropped gum wrapper...signaling his plunge into the abyss of mindless anarchy!  Luckily, Superman is on the case!

(click on the panels for a larger view)

An indeterminate amount of time "later", the boys exit
the community center and behold a shocking sight!

(click on the panels for a larger view)

Despite Billy instantly making sense of the madness before him, Superman's "lesson" raises a number of uncomfortable questions:

1.  Isn't there a bank robbery or a sinking ship somewhere with Superman's name on it?

2.  Whose bikes are those?  More importantly, are they even ridable after Superman's ramshackle pileup?

3.  Assuming he could be seen by the naked eye, how insane did it look while Superman was unwrapping and flinging hundreds of gum wrappers?

4. In the final panel, Superman states that "we must be thoughtful of others in little ways, too".  Yeah, like stealing the bikes of dozens of children to prove a point...or completely freaking-out young Billy and John.

Despite these troubling questions (and Superman's disturbing surplus of free time), the Man of Steel's little stunt not only taught youngsters a valuable lesson, but may have also inspired the invention of the renowned Kryptonite Bike Lock.

Gold Nuggets: Pyroman!

The Obscure Adventures of Comics' Greatest Generation!

For anyone who's still under the impression that the Golden Age of Comics was a genteel time of Golly-Gee-Whiz wholesomeness, I'll let Pyroman of America's Best Comics #18 (Nedor Comics, 1946) convince you otherwise.

Gaining electro-magnetic powers after a mistaken trip to the electric chair (oops!), research student Dick Martin (not the Laugh-In guy) apparently still had enough faith in the justice system to fight crime as Pyroman.

On a quest to regain the stolen Electrosorber device, Pyroman is all business as he dispatches a gang of costumed thugs...and by "dispatches" I mean horribly and painfully seared by electricity!

(click on the panels for a larger view)

Like I said....ALL-BUSINESS!

One unlucky stiff gets strangled while being electrocuted (click to enlarge), as his crudely-drawn face shows equal parts horror, pain, and stunned disbelief.  After the smoke of smoldering, electrocuted flesh clears, Pyroman reassures the uniformed Authority Figure the Electrosorber is now in safe hands...only to suffer a snotty retort from his standard-issue haughty girlfriend.

---

BONUS!

Gaze upon the stangely doodled-looking facial hair of Rex Topsed, arch enemy of Pyroman (click on his mug for a better look).

"Topsed"?  What's that all about?

Ah, you see, "Topsed" read backwards is "Despot", making it clear to Rex that he was "born to rule"!  Mwah ha haaaa!

Meme Alert!

Like the anti-matter wave from Crisis on Infinite Earths, a new meme is sweeping the Infinite Comics Blogoverse, courtesy of Chris Sims and his Invincible Super-Blog.

This time around, our mission is to assign a caption to the Atom's latest pint-sized predicament (he got into alot of them back in the day). My offering is to the left, click here to check out more submissions.

To those that are new to Comic Coverage, pull up a chair and stay awhile!