Cover to Cover: "You Are Cordially Invited..."

While most people know that summer is the most popular time of year to marry, you might be surprised to learn that in many parts of the U.S., autumn is a close second.….so what better way to kick off fall than to check out the delightfully skewed world of comic book weddings?

We’ve all been to weddings where the bride and groom didn’t seem like the greatest match…like the clueless Wonder Woman and her gruesome groom on the cover of Wonder Woman #155 (1965).

The Big Red Cheese has a case of cold feet on the cover of Captain Marvel Adventures #150 (1953).  The fact that this was the last issue of his solo series lends even more credence to Cap’s sense of impending doom!

This time, the bride is having second thoughts in Lois Lane #79 (1969), as the ominous Titanman suddenly doesn’t seem like Mr. Right.  Gee...who’d have thought a guy wearing a black executioner's hood had anything to hide?  Note Superman’s breezy indifference.

Lois once again snags the wrong guy in Lois Lane #37 (1962), as her new hubby Clark Kent just can’t seem to measure up to her real heart-throb Superman (wink-wink).

Lois finally hits the jackpot on the cover of Action Comics #484 (1978), albeit the Earth-2 Lois Lane.  Billed as part of Superman’s 40-year anniversary celebration, the “marriage” turned out to be a bit of a shell game on DC’s part, since the Superman and Lois featured in the story weren't technically the "real" super-couple. However, with that gorgeous Garcia Lopez cover...who cares?

The ultimate mismatched couple appeared in Jimmy Olsen #98 (1966), as “local witch doctor” Superman pronounces “Jungle Jimmy” and his gorilla bride man and wife.  Luckily, the Comics Code prevented any depiction of their honeymoon.

Speaking of honeymoons, Superman’s didn’t turn out so hot on the cover of Lois Lane #128 (1972), as the standard Band of Helpless Heroes looks on.

Tragedy gives way to joy on the cover of Adventure Comics #337 (1965) with the double wedding of Legion co-founders Saturn Girl and Lightning Lad, along with teammates Phantom Girl and Ultra Boy.  However, the joy is tinged with sadness as the Legion charter required married members to quit the team.  As it turned out, the double wedding was actually a ruse to expose spies that had infiltrated the Legion, so the “married” couples returned to the Legion (despite secretly wishing it had been for real).  As for the cover itself, note the strange 25th century custom of wedding guests saluting the married couples with tiny “self-replicas on a stick”.

From one kind of double wedding to another, as the marriage of Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson garnered two covers for the same story. One version of Amazing Spider-Man Annual #21 (1987) sported a more traditional cover featuring Pete and his lovely bride, while the other….less traditional cover shows Spidey and MJ in their best wedding cake pose, oblivious to the imminent mayhem behind them.

As jarring as it may be to see super villains intruding upon such a sacred event, it was actually quite common for Marvel Comics weddings to experience explosive bad guy entrances…giving an entirely new meaning to the term “wedding crashers”.

The Leader, big-brained foe of the Hulk, hired a powered-up Rhino to bust up the wedding of Bruce Banner and Betty Ross. The cover of The Incredible Hulk #124 (1970) confirms the mission was a “smashing” success (sorry).

Even the Lord of Vampires was subject to impromptu wedding invasions, as seen here on the cover of The Tomb of Dracula #46 (1976).  Not the kind of guy you’d think would go in for all that “white wedding dress” stuff….but I digress.

Spider-Man crashes one of comics’ most improbable weddings, as his own Aunt May attempts to marry the sweet-talkin’ Dr. Octopus in Amazing Spider-Man #131 (1974).

“What God has joined together, the Dread Dormammu may put asunder”.  So says the breathless hype on the cover of Giant-Size Avengers #4 (1975), as the mystic megalomaniac creates a Funniest Home Videos moment for the Mantis-Swordsman & Vision-Scarlet Witch double wedding.

Of course, this wasn’t the first time the Avengers experienced “nuptialis interruptus”. Avengers #60 (1969) finds the Ringmaster and his Circus of Crime wrecking the special day of Yellowjacket and the Wasp, to the horror of their floating head teammates.

Another memorable Avengers wedding was the marriage of Quicksilver and Crystal, as Ultron-7 “grabs the bridal bouquet—and the bride” on the cover of Fantastic Four #150 (1974).  The implacable evil robot was eventually defeated not by the gathered might of the Avengers, the Inhumans and the Fantastic Four…but by the latent power of little Franklin Richards, son of the F.F.’s Reed and Sue Richards.

As the “First Couple” of Marvel Comics, Reed and Sue’s own ceremony years earlier set the standard for chaotic comic book weddings in Fantastic Four Annual #3 (1965).  Although the original cover doesn’t provide much insight into their wild wedding day, the cover to the 1973 reprint of the tale certainly does.

Apparently, the gaggle of F.F. villains were in such a hurry to crash the wedding, Kang the Conqueror forgot to put on his customary blue face mask (actually, it’s just an unfortunate coloring error).

As we march off to the fall weddings of family and friends….or to our own wedding…we can all be thankful that a Crime Circus, an Ultron-7 or a Dread Dormammu won’t be storming the reception hall, eating all the wedding cake or dancing with our grandmas. 

On second thought…that might be kinda cool.

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Comments

[Amy Reads]

Thank you, Sir, for the biggest laugh I've had all week. I can't believe I missed out on the 25th-century marriage custom of the six-self-replicas-on-sticks-gun salute at my own wedding!
Ciao,
Amy

[Mark Engblom]

Glad you liked it, Amy! Yeah, I think the self-replicas on a stick have some potential for real-life weddings. It sure beats getting shot-gunned in the face with a handful of rice, birdseed, catfood, or whatever it is they're hurling nowadays!

[John Phelan]

I recall in a short story collection called "the further adventures of superman" a tale where Clark and Lois got married.

Until Clark found out she was a clone of the real Lois, who had been captured by the villain earlier in the story!

[Mark Engblom]

"Until Clark found out she was a clone of the real Lois, who had been captured by the villain earlier in the story!"

I hate when that happens! ;)

Speaking of Lois marrying Clark and/or Superman, I probably could have written an entire column on just *their* weddings (or near-weddings or imaginary weddings) over the many decades of Superman family stories. In fact, that might be a direction to take with a future column.

[danny cheng]

Of all the superheroes, the Hulk's had the worst luck in marriages. Has anyone noticed how everyone that he's ever tied the knot with is dead? Think Betty Ross, Jarella and even Caiera.... Poor guy. This is one green dude that really knows the meaning of "till death do us part" !