Comic Coverage

Cover to Cover: Bring on the (really bad) Bad Guys III

Despite the chaos of our constantly changing world, there’s one unchanging truth we can cling to: There will always be plenty of lame supervillains to make fun of.

Yeah, I know…that’s a pretty bold claim…but after two loser-packed installments of Bring on the (Really Bad) Bad Guys, I'm nowhere close to running out of goofy, ill-advised or moon-barking insane bad guys.

What better way to demonstrate that “moon-barking insane” variety than with a Doom Patrol villain…any Doom Patrol villain, for that matter. Springing from the active (or perhaps radioactive) imagination of creator Arnold Drake, the Doom Patrol faced a kaleidoscope of surreal adversaries.  From a giant with an eyeball for a head to an evil brain in a jar (carried around by a talking gorilla), the Doom Patrol had seen it all…that is, until they met the Animal-Vegetable-Mineral Man in Doom Patrol #89 (1964).

A few years later, writer Robert Kanigher created his own wonky corner of the DC Universe with the Metal Men, seen here on the cover of their 24th issue (1967) battling Balloon Man, whose decidedly non-threatening appearance was amplified by his Pretty In Pink color scheme.

Cover to Cover: Dude Looks Like a Lady

Female Knockoffs of Male Superheroes

Despite their reputation for fanciful frivolity, superhero comics have been known to spark serious, soul-searching questions like:

“Do entities of benevolent intervention such as government or superheroes ultimately help or hinder the progress and self-reliance of the society they protect?

“How does one square self-appointed vigilante-style justice with the laws of an ordered society?”

“What would that superhero dude look like as a chick?”

Okay, maybe that last one wasn’t so serious, but nonetheless…it’s a question curious comic book creators and fans alike have pondered since the dawn of the superhero age.  Maybe there are deep psychological factors underpinning that curiosity, but since I’m neither qualified nor the least bit inclined to go there, let’s leave that stuff to the experts and find us some female knockoffs of popular male superheroes.

In most cases, a female knockoff was either a family member or a girlfriend of the super-guy.  One of the most obvious (and early) examples of the former was Billy Batson’s twin sister Mary, who made her debut as Mary Marvel in Captain Marvel Adventures #18 (1942).

Cover to Cover: "Brother, Can Ya Spare a Dime?"

The Hard Luck Superheroes of Skid Row

“Once upon a time you dressed so fine
You threw the bums a dime in your prime, didn't you?
People'd call, say, "Beware doll, you're bound to fall"
You thought they were all kiddin' you
You used to laugh about
Everybody that was hangin' out
Now you don't talk so loud
Now you don't seem so proud
About having to be scrounging for your next meal.

How does it feel
How does it feel
To be without a home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?”

-Bob Dylan

Ah, nothing like Dylan’s scornful ode to a fallen snob to buzz-kill the bright, shiny optimism of a New Year, is there? 

Yeah, while I don’t subscribe to that old “We’re all just two paychecks away from living on the streets, man!” canard, Dylan’s accusatory rant is certainly a sober warning to us all that stunning reversals of fortune can happen to anyone…even superheroes!  One day they’re on top of the world as the idol of millions…the next, they’re a Super-Hobo sipping soup outside a humble wooden shack on the cover of Action Comics #337 (1966).

Cover to Cover: The Island of Misfit Superheroes

Craptacular Crimefighters of Christmas Past

Remember me…King Moonracer?  No, not the 1979 James Bond film.  You know, from Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer…the flying lion who ruled the Island of Misfit Toys?  Well, at least until Santa kidnapped them and pawned them off on naughty boys and girls. What…you thought he gave square-wheeled trains and Charlie-In-The-Box toys to good kids? 

Anyway, when the freakish toys abandoned me, my need to rule over rejects and losers remained strong, so I rededicated my kingdom to receive a new population of outcasts….this time housing the wretched refuse of the comic book crimefighting world.  Welcome, my friends…to the Island of Misfit Superheroes!

Some of my oldest subjects date back as far as the fabled Golden Age of Comics.  Granted, superheroes were still a relatively new concept in those days, so mistakes were bound to be made.  Ah, but when it came to guys like the Red Bee, who made his debut in Hit Comics #1 (1940), some mistakes aren’t easily forgiven.  Sporting striped leotards, chiffon sleeves and a swarm of “trained bees” (along with…no lie…a “special bee” named Michael he kept inside his belt buckle), the Red Bee wasn’t what most would consider a juggernaut of justice.

Cover to Cover: Sidekicks Roasting on an Open Fire

The Terrifying Torture Tech of Timely Comics!

As we drift through the peaceful days of the Christmas season, it’s time to pour yourself a cup of hot cocoa, sit back in a cozy recliner, and watch the gently falling snow as you contemplate leering, sub-human Axis agents subjecting the assorted girl Fridays and boy sidekicks of World War II superheroes to extravagant torture devices.

That’s right…we’re taking a break from decking the halls to examine the gruesome torture chambers that were a common fixture of World War II comic book covers, particularly those of Marvel predecessor Timely Comics.  As everyone knows, the United States focused its full attention on beating the combined aggression of Nazi Germany, Imperial Japan, and Fascist Italy following our 1941 entry into WWII.  That meant that every aspect of American life was geared toward that end, including the covers of superhero comic books.  As a result, the former threats of gangsters or crooked union bosses soon made way for superheroes pounding the stuffing out of depraved (often sub-human) Axis forces and their terrifying array of death machines.

Though human decency (and possibly the Geneva Convention) prevents me from featuring every Nazi gulag gizmo or Japanese doohickey of depravity, the following covers should give you at least some idea of what our costumed champions and their hapless supporting cast members were up against.

WARNING and DISCLAIMER department:  If you’re the squeamish type or one of those sensitive souls who feel bad for Guantanamo inmates getting a little water splashed on ‘em, these covers probably aren’t for you.  Another thing to keep in mind is that I don’t in any way endorse the racial stereotyping that appeared in WWII era comics, so let’s not go there.

Now, before we get too far into the sadistic specifics, let’s first take a look at Marvel Mystery Comics #28 for the standard features of a comic book torture chamber:

A.  A Damsel and/or Sidekick in Distress.

B.  Easily identified bad guys, often broken into groups of:
     (1) Active torture participants or
     (2) A gallery of amused/perplexed/outraged observers. 
           Extra points for hoods or robes. 

C.  Conveniently labeled torture devices or harmful substances.

D.  A hero breaking in at the last possible moment to stop said
     torture devices or harmful substances.

E.  Arrogant overlord figure outraged over the hero’s intrusion.

F.  Random, poorly-aimed gunfire.

Of course, each cover varied in their use of these common features…and sometimes added variations of their own…

Cover to Cover: Audience Appeal

Superheroes Cajole, Heckle, and Plead With Their Readers!

"Her light is growing faint, and if it goes out, that means she is dead!
Her voice is so low I can scarcely tell what she is saying.
She says - she says she thinks she could get well again if children believed in fairies!

Do you believe in fairies? Say quick that you believe!

If you believe, clap your hands!”

(from the play Peter Pan by J.M. Barrie)

This classic scene of Peter Pan enlisting the aid of his young audience is one of the most memorable examples of “breaking the fourth wall”, a theatrical concept in which characters demonstrate an awareness of their audience. From its earliest uses in nineteenth century theatre, breaking the fourth wall has been used to great effect in all forms of popular entertainment, such as radio, movies, TV and…(you guessed it) comic books.

Not surprisingly, some of the very first appeals to readers appeared during World War II, when engaging the public and stirring up their participation was a big part of life on the American home front.  A good example of this civic-minded service was the cover of Whiz Comics #56 (1944), where Captain Marvel implored kids to buy war stamps to support the war effort.

Cover to Cover: Bring on the (really bad) Bad Guys II

Earlier this year, I took a look at some of the worst supervillains to ever stink up a comic book cover.  Though I don’t normally do “sequels” to columns, this particular topic almost demands more coverage, don't you think? I mean, who am I to deprive comic book fans of the rich history of poorly conceived villainous losers?

So, put aside your high standards and good taste for a few minutes and gird yourself for another batch of Really Bad Bad Guys!

How bad is “really bad”?  Let me demonstrate with Exhibit A: Dr. Tyme, a villain so stupid he couldn’t even spell his own name right!  Making his first appearance here in Doom Patrol #92 (1964), Dr. Tyme’s goofy clock-face helmet could emit a beam that slowed down the passage of time.

Granted, the Doom Patrol’s villains have always been off-the-charts crazy (Animal-Vegetable-Mineral Man, anyone?), but Dr. Tyme stands alone even within that surreal society.

Cover to Cover: Celebrity Parade!

Real-World Celebrities Meet Star-Struck Superheroes

Admit it. At one time or another, we’ve all been a little starry-eyed over the prospect of meeting or even glimpsing a popular celebrity “in the flesh”.  From 1950’s teenie-boppers screaming over Elvis to modern day fanboys packing the San Diego Comic Con to gaze at this year's Veronica McBuffy, everyone (of every era) is guilty of worshipping at the Altar of Celebrity…even comic book superheroes!

Intended to bolster comic book sales, superhero comics have a long history of celebrity appearances….dating all the way back to the early 1940’s!  One of the earliest I’ve come across was the cover of Flash Comics #28 (1942), which featured a kaleidoscope of movie stars from Hollywood’s Golden Age.  Some of the faces are still instantly recognizable here in the 21st century, while others are as unfamiliar as the faces in a stranger’s photo album.

In Action Comics #127 (1948), Superman made an appearance on the popular radio show Truth or Consequences, created and hosted by Ralph Edwards (of This is Your Life TV fame).  Obviously, Supes failed the “Truth” portion of the quiz show and, according to the rules, had to endure a zany, humiliating “Consequence”.

Cover to Cover: Bones of Contention

The Superhero Skeleton Crew!

Since the beginning of recorded history (and probably before), the human skeleton has been a powerful symbol for danger, disease, and our own inevitable deaths.  After all, the skeleton isn’t some fanciful creature of mythology or Hollywood fever dreams…it exists inside each and every one of us, waiting to be revealed by death and entropy. As such, our double-edged fear and fascination with this symbol of our mortality has found its way into countless forms of expression. From hieroglyphics to film, ancient talismans to Halloween party favors, and catacombs to comic books, skeletons have endured as a blunt reminder that time is fleeting for everyone…even seemingly death-proof superheroes!

Making that point perfectly clear was the cover of Batman #586 (2001), which portrayed a thoroughly dead Darknight Detective pinned to the wall by a pair of the Penguin’s deadly umbrellas.  Yes, I said “deadly umbrellas”…and no, the Batman didn’t actually die (the scene was only a dream of the Penguin’s).

Cover to Cover: Encounters With The Count

Superheroes Vs. Dracula!

"My revenge has just begun! I spread it
over centuries and time is on my side."

–Count Dracula (from chapter 23 of Bram Stoker’s Dracula)

Much like Mary Shelly’s immortal Frankenstein Monster, Bram Stoker’s equally renowned Dracula has grown far beyond his gothic literature roots and assumed a prominent place in our modern mythology.  With that status has come countless appearances of the Lord of Vampires across many decades, media and genres…including superhero comic books!

What better way to sink our teeth into Dracula’s history among the superfolk than with the granddaddy of superheroes himself?  The wonderful Garcia Lopez cover for Superman #344 (1980) featured a thoroughly freaked-out Superman getting attacked by Dracula and a truly chilling Frankenstein Monster.  Despite the Super Scaredy-Cat act on the cover, our hero was actually quite calm as he dealt with the two monsters in the story itself.  Dropping Franky with a super-punch, he then subdued Dracula in unique Superman fashion: by creating a miniature sun using only a hydrogen balloon!  Get it?  Sunlight?  Vampires?