To every kid, Halloween is the ideal season for scary practical jokes, right?
WRONG! Every single day of the year was ripe for scaring the living daylights out of friends, parents, sisters and/or brothers, grandparents, neighbors, pets...well, you get the picture. Stoking this mischievous spirit of childhood were the countless prank and novelty merchants who hawked their wares in dense-packed comic book ads...priced right and promising to trigger gales of laughter or screams of fright.
One of the ads that really got me reaching for my piggy bank was this classic specimen...the towering menace of the MONSTER-SIZE MONSTERS (click on the ad for a larger view):
Let's examine the masterful Honor House sales pitch:
I don't remember my exact reaction as a kid, but I think it went something like this: "Seven feet tall? Wow...that's taller than my DAD! Also, who's this 'Polly Ethelene' person?"
Um...yes? Okay, here's where the pitch wandered off into the tall grass. Listen, I wanted to scare people with Seven Foot Frankie...not talk to him!
"Aweful"? So they couldn't spell or proof read at Honor House...big deal? After all, who needs good spelling skills when you've got seven foot monsters to share with the world?
Ahh, but what if I order one or both of the monster-size monsters and I'm not satisfactorily horrified?
As if sensing my wavering skepticism, Honor House drives home the point:
"Shivers of delight"? Before puberty? I'm sold!*
*Sadly, I wasn't allowed to order either of the Monster-Size Monsters. Maybe because my mom was secretly terrified of their giant-sized menace. That, or the prospect of me talking to them while experiencing prepubescent shivers of delight.