Have you tried all week to avoid spoilers for that issue you can't wait to read, only to have a couple of knuckleheads at the comic shop spoil the living daylights out of it? Well, for all of you out there (me included), this one's for you.
How do you handle these guys? Shoot them a nasty look? Snottily "thank them" for spoiling the book for you? Smack them about the head and shoulders with the rolled-up comic? Well, strike that last one. What's the proper comic shop etiquette for handling the dreaded In-Store Spoilers?
After the first few dates, young fanboys begin thinking their new girlfriends will "accept them for who they are", and will enthusiastically embrace, support and maybe participate in his love for comics.
Of course, most girlfriends dragged into comic shops (and to comic conventions) don't necessarily see it that way. In fact, the comic shop visit may be the death-knell of these budding relationships, as the sheer boredom of the comic shop experience prompts the Bored Girlfriend to "reassess her options".
However, never let it be said my heart doesn't go out to those crazy kids just trying to make it work. For the fanboy out there who insists that his new soul mate accompany him to every comic shop and convention, help her make it clear she wants no part of this scene with an "I'm the geek's girlfriend" t-shirt.
Ahh, nothing like the ear-splitting chaos of the Oblivious Parent's progeny to enhance your weekly comic shop visit. Whether pawing new comics with chocolate-caked fingers, flinging action figures, or running at top speed, these tiny terrors thrive upon the non-supervision of their clueless, auto-pilot parents.
Of course, not every apathetic, multiply-pierced clerk is a goth girl...but you get the point. Whether it's the Extensively-Tatooed Rocker Guy or Barely-Sentient Stoner variations, many of our comic shops are in need of some...how shall I say...slightlyless unusual cashiers.
Sure, I get it...we're all outcasts at the comic shop, yada, yada, yada. But come on...it's getting a little old.
He approaches the cash register with a tottering stack of dozens (if not hundreds) of comic books without batting an eye, while the brains of stunned fanboys whirl with calculations and estimates of his comic book feeding frenzy! Truly, it's a devotion to comic books (and a bank account) that staggers the imagination!
While jotting a few things down for a Christmas wish list, it occured to me that we comic book/sci-fi/fantasy geek types are a difficult lot to shop for. Who among us hasn't gotten the bewildered look, the Mr. Spock eyebrow-raise, or the exasperated "Where the heck am I going to find THAT?" question from confused friends and family?
Yes, we are particular. Yes, we like maddeningly obscure stuff. In short, Christmas shopping for us is a major world-class drag. I admit it. It's in this spirit of clarity and contrition that I offer this cartoon:
UPDATE: Want this cartoon on a shirt or some other cool stuff? Click here to visit my Geek Christmas Cafepress store. There's not too many days left for you to get your gifts by Christmas time, so check it out today!