Comic Coverage

The Real-Life Superhero Universe (Part 5)

The press for next year's Watchmen movie positions the story as "what superheroes would be like in the real world".  Well, with all due respect to that comic book classic, we've already got Real-Life Superheroes running around our world. Although some are entertainers or promote social causes, others patrol the streets with a keen sense of justice (and severely limited peripheral vision).

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Name: Basketballman

Base of Operations: Honolulu, Hawaii

MIssion: Exterminating evil villains and saving the universe.

Equipment: Professional sound equipment and evil-proof basketballs.

Quote: "It takes alot of balls to do what I do."

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Name: Captain Badass

Base of Operations: Austin, Texas

Mission: "Well, basically, I serve justice to evil doers, not like terrorists or anything, but other lowlifes.  However, I guess I could handle terrorism if need be."

Special Abilities: Mad dancing skilz.

Quote: "Drop the zero and get with the real hero."

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Name: Death's Head Moth

Base of Operations: Norfolk, Virginia

Equipment: Flex cuffs, anti-stab vest, riot gloves, jump boots, collapsible grapple, yawara knife, riot shield, and shock stick. 

Quote: "Looking for other heroes in Virginia. put out classified ad on myspace. teaming up may prove unwieldy, will see what happens..." (from a Death's Head Moth blog entry)

Worst Cover Ever: An American Recession, or "When Cap Was Crap"

With the quality of Marvel's Captain America title better than ever, it's easy to forget things haven't always been that great for Cap. Arguably the worst period for Captain America (and many other heroes) was the dreary 1990's, when quantity trumped quality and no idea or page of artwork was too lousy to see print.

Like Rob Liefeld's craptacular cover to Captain America (vol. 2) #2, the following two Cap covers perfectly embody everything wrong about 90's comics.

First up is Captain America #422 (1993), the poster child for all the sloppy drawing, warped perspective, and D-list villains that characterized so many comics of this period.

"Blistick"?  Really?  Isn't that a lip balm? Note the knee pads, belt pouches, and arm bands that all the cool kids were wearing in the early 90's (thanks to the boy geniuses at Image Comics).

Is that an energy burst coming out of Blistik's lance, or is he applying soothing lip balm to the two enormous lips adorning (what I assume to be) Cap's shield?

I understand the liberties comic book artists routinely take with human anatomy, but when Cap's calf muscle exceeds the size of his peanut-sized skull, you've lost me.

A few months later on the cover of Captain America #424, the anatomy skills don't seem to be getting any better...

I can't decide which is worse: Cap's "Multiple G-Force Face", his diaper-like trunks, his 9-inch long knee cap, or his boot fabric drooping past his ankle.

Of course, these days Cap himself is still officially dead as a doornail, but really....looking back at those covers...it seems as if the early 90's came the closest to killing off Cap for good.

We Outta Be In Pictures: Marvel Movie Magic circa 1981

After so many years of high profile superhero movies, it's easy for us comic book fans to get a little spoiled.  In fact, fat budgets and CGI wizardry have made the adaptation of superheroes to film so commonplace, movies that would have paralyzed me with glee twenty years ago receive the ever-critical eye of the discerning fan (such as my recent tomato-tossing review of The Dark Knight).

However, while I stand by my Dark Knight review, I have to admit that sometimes I forget just how far we've come since the "bad old days" of comic-to-film adaptations.

In fact, for many years, one of the running jokes following the success of Superman: The Movie was how Marvel Comics just couldn't seem to get any traction when it came to getting their comics translated into movies.  Sure, they had a handful of characters that made it onto TV in the late 70's (most prominently The Incredible Hulk), but on the movie front, it was all talk and no action.

To give you younger fans a taste of this purgatory of vague plans and underwhelming development deals, I thought I'd run some excerpts from Amazing Heroes #1 (1981).  A refreshing alternative to the cynical and stuffy Comics Journal, the staff of Amazing Heroes actually seemed to like comic books and the people who created them. Covering the New York Creation Convention, they reported on Stan Lee's Marvel Movie Update to an eager convention crowd.

Here's a few of the highlights (or, more accurately, lowlights):

Fantastic Four: "Some guy, young guy like a George Lucas who's in the business, bought the rights to it. I've been meeting with him for the past three months and he's planning to do a major, big budget motion picture of the Fantastic Four."

Got that?  "Some guy" wanted to do a big budget F.F. movie. 

Good enough for me! 

Ghost Rider: "Believe it or not, Dino De Laurentiis took an option on the Ghost Rider. How he's going to do it, I don't know, but it's in the works."

Translation: "I have no idea how they're going to light a
guy's head on fire for an hour and a half, but I'll let the
guy who directed 'The Towering Inferno' figure it out."

Thor: "Major motion picture. We're talking Orson Welles playing Odin. Anyway, Orson Welles hasn't heard about it yet, but we were sitting there as if he's in the bag."

"We will make no Thor movie before it's time."

Spider-Man: The guy who produced "Beatlemania" wanted to do Spider-Man as a Broadway musical. Anyway, now we're talking about doing it as a movie, a musical but a serious musical."

(cue music) "With great power comes great responsibilite-ee-eeeee!"

The Silver Surfer: "The Silver Surfer is still on the way to being a big movie. Lee Kramer, who's going to produce it, is at this very moment in Australia and I think he's renting the whole continent as the setting! He found a scientist in England who is working on something called linear induction. At the moment he has this linear induction worked out so it can make a surfboard go this high above the ground and really travel with a man on it. They promise me by the time the thing is filmed, they'll get the surfboard that high. They get the camera underneath it, they paint the sky--it'll look like he's out in space!" Lee also said he'd be "closely involved" with the making of the movie and that the Surfer "will probably fight Galactus" in the film.

"They get the camera underneath it, they paint the sky--
it'll look like he's out in space!" Bada bing, bada boom! 

I'm an eternal fan of Stan Lee, but how many of you think
there was even a pixel of truth in that entire paragraph?"

Captain America: "There's a guy doing a Captain America Broadway musical. It's not what you'd expect. It's not an action-packed thriller, although it will be thrilling and there may be some action. We're going to pick Captain America up in middle age. His hair is thinning, he's getting a little bit of a pot belly. He's living in a furnished room somewhere with a little light bulb that hangs on a chain over the little iron bed and a sink in the corner of the room. And he's saying 'How did I come to this? What happened to my life?' And then we get him involved in an adventure. I think it's going to be a hit. That's about a year off."

No details on who this mysterious "guy" was, but a nosebleeding
amount of detail on what Loser Cap's apartment would look like?

Yeah, and who'd think a Broadway show about a fat, balding Captain America wouldn't be a "hit"?

Other plans included a possible X-Men movie ("Now as soon as I get one of the books and learn who the new X-Men are..."), Howard the Duck (by "the guy who wrote Bronco Billy"), and (I kid you not) a country-western superhero named "Denim Blue".

Thankfully, none of these absurd treatments ever made it into movie theatres (or onto Broadway stages).  After several near-misses in the early 90's (such as Roger Corman's aborted Fantastic Four and the dreadful, direct-to-video Captain America), 2000's X-Men movie finally broke the spell...sparking nearly a decade's worth of Marvel movies ranging from decent to excellent (with no end in sight).

Dear Editor: "Jack, Are You Running Out of Monsters?"

As a founding father of the Marvel Universe, uber-artist Jack Kirby was a creative dynamo who could do no wrong in the eyes of 1960's Marvel fans (or "Marvelites" as they were known). 

Well, most of them, anyway.

Appearing on the letters page of Thor #155 (1968), a guy named Len Uricek from Flint, Michigan had a laundry list of visual gaffes and art observations that targeted Jack Kirby with a rare bit of (good natured) criticism...

Let's take a look at that NYPD hardware Len was talking about (click on the panels for a larger view)

Marvel (possibly Stan Lee himself) jumps to the defense of not only Kirby, but the New York Police Department as well....

Once the Thor-related questions were out of the way, Len also had something to say regarding the issue's back-up story, starring Triton of the Inhumans...

Here's the costumed actor Len is referring to, alongside the legendary Creature from the Black Lagoon. Yeah...a definite resemblance there.

The reply? Just some of that classic, good-natured obfuscation that 

characterized the free-wheeling Marvel Comics letter pages... 

Monkey Business: Beware the Octi-Ape!

Name: Octi-Ape

First Appearance: Blackhawk #152 (1960)

History: As a sort of interstellar Noah, an alien named Kar Han escaped his world's destruction in a giant "artificial asteroid" filled with two of every life form from the doomed planet. Arriving on Earth, they met the Blackhawks, who then helped Kar Han find a plot of land for his family and their alien zoo (which wasn't appreciated by their bigoted "anti-greenie" neighbors). However, their stay was short-lived, since an element in Earth's atmosphere began causing Kar Han's bizarre animals to rampage across the countryside, including the Octi-Ape. After immobilizing the eight-limbed primate with giant tractor tires and capturing the other beasts, the Blackhawks calm the tensions between the angry townsfolk and Kar Han. Realizing Earth's atmosphere would soon affect the minds of not only their animals but also themselves, Kar Han loaded up the space ark and resumed his search for a new world.

Powers and Abilities: Able to hurl twice the feces of an earth-born primate.

An (Interplanetary) Olympic Moment

As the 2008 Beijing Summer Olympics get underway, how about a look at Superman's stint as an athlete in the Interplanetary Olympics?  

Way back in Action Comics #304 (1963), Superman and Lana Lang were transported to the planet Vorn by a scientist named Rogan (no relation to Seth). Rogan explained that Superman was selected to compete against other super-strongmen from across the galaxy. The prize? A jewel-like crystal ball of unlimited energy for the winner's home planet.

At Lana Lang's urging, a reluctant Superman took his place in the opening ceremony alongside Borko of Gorn and Boscar of Krag...

 

(click on the panels for a larger view)

First up was the Super-Bowling event, which involved hurling a massive boulder into a grove of "metal-trees". Following the impressive performances of Borko and Boscar, it was then Superman's turn to bowl...

After enduring a round of sarcasm from Rogan and dismay from Lana, Superman proceeded to the next event: the Obstacle Swimming Race! In a gigantic pool stocked with alien creatures, Borko and Boscar simultaneously swam and smashed monsters until they successfully reached the other side. How did Superman fare?...

After still more recriminations and excuses, the humbled Man of Steel tried his hand at the Super-Javelin Throw...

Following yet another miserable performance, Superman was disqualified and sent back to Earth in disgrace amid a chorus of boos and jeers from the spectators. 

However, upon returning to his Fortress of Solitude, Superman revealed to a tearful (and astonishingly tiny-waisted) Lana that the Interplanetary Olympics were actually fixed and part of a larger criminal scheme to steal his power!

Tuning in the planet Vorn on his Fortress viewscreen, Superman exposed the plan of Rogan and his criminal band (using one of the most long-winded word balloons in comic book history)...

So there you have it.  Superman wasn't a super-failure after all, to the relief of Lana Lang and Superman fans everywhere...

OLYMPIC UPDATE: Obviously, the Interplanetary Olympic Games turned Borko and Boscar from competitors to friends...very special friends.

An (Amazonian) Olympic Moment

Superman's participation in the Intergalactic Olympics certainly wasn't the only contest of champions to appear in superhero comics.  Arguably the first (and strangest) of these athletic competitions took place in Wonder Woman #1 (1940).

Shunning mankind (or "Patriarch's World"), a race of Amazonian she-warriors lived in isolation on Paradise Island. When an American pilot named Steve Trevor crash-landed nearby, young Princess Diana broke the Amazons' "No Boys Allowed" rule and brought the injured pilot onto the island. Once Trevor was revived and restored to health, Diana's mother Queen Hippolyta decreed that he be returned to "the warring world of men" immediately. Cue the goddess Aphrodite, who commanded Hippolyta to select her "strongest maiden" to accompany Trevor back to America.

To select her Amazonian champion, the Queen devised an athletic competition open to all citizens of Paradise Island..with the exception of her daughter Diana (who was obviously head-over-heels in love with that pesky man). However, as the contestants gathered at Amazon Stadium, Diana (ever the rebel) hatched a daring plan of her own...

(click on the panels for a larger view)

Following that leggy procession, the women warriors kicked off their contest with a spirited round of Kanga Fencing...culminating in Diana's clash with big ol' Number 21...

Meanwhile, Diana's pal Mala faced the wrestling fury of Fatsis, a.k.a. the "two-ton grease heap" (and a dead-ringer for WW's future pal Etta Candy)...

Next up for Diana, a record-setting performance in the Lasso Leap...

 

Finally, after a full day of bizarre sporting events,
two undefeated Amazons faced one final test...

YOIKS! These Amazons play for keeps! 

Bullets and Bracelets*...don't try this at home, kids!

(*sung to the tune of "Crimson and Clover")

With that, the pistol-packin' princess won the contest and unmasked before a thoroughly flabbergasted Hippolyta. Reluctantly following her own decree, the Queen awarded Diana the garb of Wonder Woman...who "like any other girl with new clothes", couldn't wait to try it on...

So...what do you think, International Olympic Committee?

Bullets and Bracelets for the London Summer Games in 2012?

I say "HOLA"!

An (All-Star) Olympic Moment

Although swimming and gymnastics have dominated the first week of the Beijing Summer Olympics, I'm more a "track and field" guy, so I'm most looking forward to next week's coverage of those events. Until then, how about a super-speed race between the Flash, Wonder Woman, and...Green Lantern?

Kicking off a new quarterly anthology title in the winter of 1942, the three stars of Comic Cavalcade take part in a good-natured race...with Wonder Woman winning by a...er...."nose". This lighthearted scene would set the tone for the next several years' worth of Comic Cavalcade covers, as the famous trio would take part in activities as diverse as flying kites, riding a Merry-Go-Round, beating dirty rugs, going fishing, and even helping out an ailing Santa Claus.

It should be noted that even though Green Lantern, Wonder Woman, and the Flash appeared together on the covers of the first 29 issues (through 1948), the stories inside featured the three of them (as well as other superheroes) in solo adventures only. So, the race depicted on the cover was never part of an actual story.

That is, until Roy Thomas came along.

As one of the first comic fans to turn pro, Thomas' love for Golden Age superheroes has never been a secret. Almost singlehandedly bringing an awareness of first generation superheroes to new generations of fans, Thomas also brought an English teacher's sensibility for canonical detail to the table (Thomas taught high school English prior to entering the comics biz). Nowhere was this more evident than in the All-Star Squadron series he wrote (and edited) for DC Comics during the early 1980's.

Set during World War II and featuring most of DC's Golden Age pantheon, Thomas maintained that the stories published during the 1940's were all "canon" and, as such, were interwoven into his new All-Star Squadron adventures. In fact, right from the beginning of this entertaining series, Thomas was incorporating little "historical" touches that I was able to appreciate years later. In a special sixteen page preview appearing in Justice League #193 (1981), Thomas set the stage for the new series by showing what various heroes and villains were doing at this point in time...including a certain race between Wonder Woman, The Flash, and Green Lantern!

Though brief, we're finally given a story behind the cover of Comic Cavalcade #1. Apparently, Wonder Woman (newly arrived to Man's World), the Flash, and Green Lantern are participants in a "Race of the Century" for charity. Filming the race is one Johnny Chambers, secretly another Golden Age speedster named Johnny Quick.

(Click on the panels for a larger view)

Ever the stickler for detail, Thomas (and artist Rich Buckler) echo Wonder Woman's ribbon-breaking win from the Comic Cavalcade cover, followed by Flash and Green Lantern (who presumably used his ring's power to grant himself temporary super-speed).

You'll also note the packed stadium of spectators, who certainly went through alot of trouble to watch what was undoubtedly the shortest athletic event in human history!

Simply the Best: The Thrilling Days of Yesteryear

Despite enjoying the occasional western, I'm not what you'd call a big fan of the genre. Ah, but when superhero elements are added to the western formula, that's a different story. One of the first western/superhero hybrids was, of course, Zorro (created in 1919), followed several years later by perhaps the greatest of the Old West's masked champions: The Lone Ranger.

Created by producer George W. Trendle and writer Fran Striker, the Lone Ranger made his radio debut in January of 1933 on WXYZ in Detroit, Michigan and quickly grew into a national sensation. Like many characters of the public's imagination, the Lone Ranger brand eventually branched out into toys, a newspaper comic strip, movie serials, a television series, and, of course, comic books.

Beginning in 1948, Dell Comics published The Lone Ranger for the next fourteen years, at one point spinning off solo titles for Tonto and even the Ranger's horse Silver! The stories themselves were essentially the same kinds of adventures and simple morality tales from the radio and TV series, but the real appeal of the series for a collector like me are the dynamite painted covers by guys like Hank Hartman, Sam Savitt, and Earnest Nordli. As you can see from the samples below, whether dark & moody or iconic & action-packed, the illustrated Lone Ranger covers are undeniable (albeit overlooked) masterpieces (click on the images for a larger view).

Strangely, the illustrated covers switched over to photo covers of Clayton Moore as the Ranger in late 1957, despite the final episode of the series airing about the same time. Of course, the TV show lived on in rerun glory for several more years...but still...what an odd time to dump the illustrated covers.

Of all the illustrated covers in my collection, a clear favorite remains the cover of The Lone Ranger #76 (1954)...

Why is this one a favorite of mine? A few reasons:

1. Before breaking the cover down into its individual elements, the primary appeal of this cover for me is the Civil War setting and the passions it still evokes. In this case, it's the politically-charged image of the Lone Ranger clearly fighting alongside Union soldiers against (presumably) Confederate forces. Without wading into the age-old historical debates and semantic game playing, let's just say I think the Ranger chose the morally correct side.

2. Old Glory. Can't go wrong with a flag cover.

3. Despite the chaos all around him, I love the Ranger's steely-eyed look of concentration just before he squeezes off a round at Gen. Robert E. Lee himself for all I know. This is one time when you really have to click on the thumbnail image to see a blow-up of the detail.  It's just an amazing piece of illustration by Hank Hartman (an educated guess, since the cover isn't officially credited or signed).

4. Not one, but two six-shooters a-blazing at the Ranger's Rebel targets! Tarnation!

5. One of the sharpest, most attention-getting logos to ever grace a comic book cover. Even if the cover image wasn't visible on a newsstand, the logo's stark yellow lettering against that iconic black mask was all you needed to grab a kid's attention (and hard-earned dime). Speaking of the lettering, where can I get my hands on that fantastic retro font?  I want it!

6.  One of those nifty little Rule of Three triangular formations I like so much.

7. Finally, is it just me, or is that soldier in the foreground a dead-ringer for legendary actor Lloyd Bridges? Although it would be several years before he'd star in the popular Sea Hunt TV series, Bridges was still a well-known and recognized actor when this cover was created (such as his role in 1952's High Noon). The soldier has Bridges' nose, mouth, chin, and distinctive squint...so maybe I'm on to something.

Well, whether it's Bridges or not, it's an amazing cover...and one of the high points of my Lone Ranger collection.

Dear Editor: ...and Baby Jack Makes Three

One of the most enjoyable aspects of old comic book letter pages were the random, out-of-left-field observations fans routinely offered up.  One of the strangest had to be from Howard Leroy Davis, printed in Fantastic Four #94 (1969). Howard had a very ...unique... observation regarding the newborn baby of Reed and Susan Richards:

Whaaat? Alright, here's the "Baby Jack"
panel in question from Fantastic Four #90...

...and the reaction of the Marvel Bullpen:


So...what do you think?

Was Jack Kirby drawing his likeness onto fictional infants as Howard Leroy
Davis observed? Or were those comic book ink fumes starting to get to Howie?

Franklin Richards                          Jack Kirby