...'Cuz I'm the TAXMAN!
As most of my gainfully-employed fellow Americans already know, tomorrow (April 17th) is the deadline to file our income taxes with the hated Internal Revenue Service.
Those of us who aren't frantically trying to complete the byzantine paperwork (having filed weeks or even months ago) still have to endure the insipid coverage of TV news stations interviewing sheepish procrastinators at local post offices. In short, it's just not a fun day for anyone.
Take heart, fellow citizens. You're not the only ones who've been bullied and hassled by your bloated, tax-happy government. When it comes to shaking down productive citizens, the IRS is willing to go after just about anyone...even a certain Man of Steel!
Yes, in anticipation of a dreary Tax Day, let's revisit Superman #148 (1961) for the staggering injustice of
Our tale begins with rookie I.R.S. agent Rupert Brand (a nerdy killjoy straight from Central Casting) as he makes a startling discovery...
(click on the panels for a larger view)
Brand then sets out to contact Superman, doing what any rational numbers man would do by hurling himself off of a building! Naturally, Superman comes to the rescue, and Brand wastes no time laying out his case!
After wisking the zealous agent back to his office, Superman is informed he owes the U.S. government ONE BILLION DOLLARS!
(click on the panels for a larger view)
Superman spends the rest of the story frantically scrambling for extra cash, only to lose his instant riches through a series of endearingly goofy Silver Age plot twists, such as Bizarro showing up and transforming a collection of priceless ivory into Ivory Soap! At one point, Superman even hits up Aquaman to find him a giant clam containing an equally giant pearl.
Despite the setbacks, Superman managed to collect an impressive cache of rare treasures, only to see them devoured by a matter-eating space monster!
(click on the panels for a larger view)
This lead to a rare display of temper from the normally even-keeled Silver Age Superman...as the pressure to meet his taxation deadline caused him to hurl the source of his anxiety into outer space (here's hoping the creature was able to breathe in a vacuum)!
Happily, after returning to the IRS, Superman is informed by Brand's boss that he's off the hook for the billion-dollar tax bill...though the reasoning behind the clever last-minute reprieve is a bit of a stretch...
(click on the panels for a larger view)
Get that? Since every person on Earth is, presumably, Superman's "dependent", he can claim a $600 deduction for each of us!
So, for those of you looking to avoid a hefty tax bill...why not try the "Superman Dodge" and claim the entire world population as your dependents?
Why...it's so crazy....it just might work!
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What a great blog entry! Darn killjoys
Posted by: Chris Shields (cIndyCenter.com) | April 16, 2007 at 01:04 PM
Glad you liked it, Chris. Yeah...those IRS killjoys are well-represented by the intrepid Rupert Brand.
Posted by: Mark Engblom | April 16, 2007 at 02:31 PM
How exciting! Next month: Superman decimates the coal supply, floods the diamond market, and causes general economic chaos! Accountants and economists flee in terror!
Posted by: ABS | April 16, 2007 at 04:09 PM
Later, after Superman leaves, Brand's boss tears him a new one for failing to follow IRS procedure by launching his own collection process without obtaining approval from his department supervisor.
Of course, with his super-hearing, Supes can hear every word, and as he listens he breaks the fourth wall and tosses the reader one of his classic Silver Age winks.
Posted by: Ron | April 16, 2007 at 04:30 PM
...such as Bizarro showing up and transforming a collection of priceless ivory into Ivory Soap!
Please tell me that Superman massacred an entire herd of elephants to get all that ivory.
Posted by: Jeffrey | April 16, 2007 at 06:22 PM
From ABS:
"Accountants and economists flee in terror!"
That would be a good thing, right?
From Ron:
"Of course, with his super-hearing, Supes can hear every word, and as he listens he breaks the fourth wall and tosses the reader one of his classic Silver Age winks."
LOL! "Mess with me, will you, Brand?"
(come to think of it, maybe Brand's "boss" was actually Batman in disguise. Those two bailed each other out of jams all through the Silver Age.)
From Jeffrey:
"Please tell me that Superman massacred an entire herd of elephants to get all that ivory."
Tell you what, Jeffrey....I'll give you the story behind the ivory in tomorrow's blog entry. Sort of an "epilogue", if you will.
Posted by: Mark Engblom | April 16, 2007 at 10:36 PM
"Those two bailed each other out of jams all through the Silver Age."
Heck, that raises a good question: why didn't he just ask Bruce Wayne to loan him the money?
Posted by: Ron | April 17, 2007 at 12:28 AM
Although Bruce Wayne has Bill Gates-like wealth in the current DC universe, the Batman of that day and age was a much more modest millionaire....so I don't think even Bruce Wayne could have sprung Superman from his IRS obligations.
Posted by: Mark Engblom | April 17, 2007 at 07:17 AM
The other day I was at a comedy Improv show that featured Superman being bugged about not paying taxes.
By the way, your site is the first one that comes up when one types in Superman and IRS on google.
Posted by: Mike Condon | June 18, 2007 at 02:31 AM